F*ck Whales


Book Description

A collection of satirical, crass, comedic essays from famed Internet personality and New York Times bestselling author Maddox, of the infamous website The Best Page in the Universe. In this third book from Maddox, the reigning king of Internet satire delivers a collection of humorous, unapologetic essays in the same voice that propelled him into comedic stardom. With all-new material, F*ck Whales delivers on his personal brand of satire, complete with self-promotion, petty rants, and brilliant essays on anything and everything Maddox deems worthy of his ire.




Go the F**k to Sleep


Book Description

The #1 New York Times Bestseller: “A hilarious take on that age-old problem: getting the beloved child to go to sleep” (NPR). “Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom. You know where you can go? The f**k to sleep.” Go the Fuck to Sleep is a book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, it captures the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. Read by a host of celebrities, from Samuel L. Jackson to Jennifer Garner, this subversively funny bestselling storybook will not actually put your kids to sleep, but it will leave you laughing so hard you won’t care.




Men Are Better Than Women


Book Description

Through a process of exhaustive man research he calls "keeping his eyes open," Dick Masterson has compiled a Magnum-size list of the ways men are better than women. It is an infallible compendium of man's greatness, filled with the most egregiously fallacious arguments ever put to words, but with some kind of miraculous, rock-solid man logic dripping like motor oil from every sentence. It is a manifesto more memorable than bullshit like High Fidelity or which Axe baby powder Maxim thinks you should slap on your nuts before clubbing, more chock-full of devastating man quotes than Oscar Wilde with two wangs. Most important, it is the only one of its kind. In Men Are Better Than Women, Dick Masterson dispenses logic from his man mouth into the eyes of his male readers like some kind of mighty mother man eagle with nutrient-rich word vomit. It's a book that makes you feel like driving a train into a dynamite factory and then tearing a telephone book apart with your bare hands, just because that's the way men have always done it. Masterson's chapters are simple and self-contained, demand no commitments from readers, and have an immediate payoff. Men Are Better Than Women is a dangerous work of satire -- not dangerous in a revolutionary sense, but dangerous in that it walks the razor-thin line between cruelty and absurdity. That line is called hilarious.




The Alphabet of Manliness


Book Description

The author provides tongue-in-cheek advice on what he considers to be manliness, such as beating up on other men, groping women, disciplining children more violently, and becoming a more efficient communicator of road rage.




100 Animals That Can F*cking End You


Book Description

A wittily informative field guide to the deadliest animals on Earth from "AnimalTok" star @mndiaye_97 Ever wonder how to tell if a moose is about to subtract you? Curious why you should be terrified of cassowaries, the “velociraptor that time forgot?” Questioning whether that cute baby hippo is actually a homicidal maniac in the making? Yea, so was Mamadou Ndiaye . . . and now he's got your answers. 100 Animals That Can F*cking End You is the ultimate countdown to merk by animal, featuring everything from tiny bugs that can turn you into a hashtag to animals so massive they can murder you by accident. These include: • The massive Southern elephant seal, which "is built like a truck with the personality of a Spring Break frat boy" • Sperm whales with a call so strong it can vibrate you to death • A golf-ball-sized octopus that can erase twenty-six people with one bite • Hyenas, which have no qualms eating their prey while it is still alive • A snake so quick it can strike you three times before you blink You’ll learn not only which animals to avoid, but which ones can beat you in a footrace, which ones create surprisingly high body counts, and which ones will give you a good reason never to venture into the ocean. Mamadou also offers the occasional survival tip, even if it is just to make peace with your higher power. This dynamic, fact-filled, occasionally disturbing book is perfect for animal lovers and anyone perplexed by the natural world.




The Whale Road (The Oathsworn Series, Book 1)


Book Description

DISCOVER SOMETHING NEW WITH THIS LIMITED-TIME DISCOUNT ON BOOK ONE OF THE SERIES. The first in the Oathsworn series, charting the adventures of a band of Vikings on the chase for the secret hoard of Attila the Hun.




True Facts That Sound Like Bull$#*t


Book Description

Prove you are the smartest schmuck in the room with 500 true trivia facts that sound absurd. These facts are so absurd some might even say that they sound like bull$#*t! Knowledge is power! Crush the competition at trivia night, or start the most interesting conversation ever with real facts that are hard to believe. This book is loaded with mind-blowing facts that are sure to keep you wondering, "How are these even true?" while equipping you to outsmart everyone around and blow their minds. Topics include: Science American Sports History Pop Culture Nature Put your game face on, and prove once and for all that you are the real know-it-all! Gather your friends and family 'round and get ready to learn some wild and crazy trivia and facts such as: True or False? A chicken once survived almost two years after having its head cut off. True or False? The dog that played Toto in The Wizard of Oz was paid a salary. How many baseballs does the MLB use every season? What state has jousting as its official sport? True or False? Most Canadians live south of Seattle. Stump everyone with True Facts That Sound Like Bull$#*t!




Crappy Children's Art


Book Description

From the New York Times bestselling author of The Alphabet of Manliness, the creator of “The Best Page in the Universe,” and overall genius, comes an outrageous, laugh-out-loud critique of children’s artwork that finally cuts those little smug know-it-alls down to size. Previously published as I Am Better Than Your Kids. If you think children are precious little snowflakes who are perfect in every way, think again. If you cherish every piece of art, every book report, every letter to Santa your child gives you, then this book is not for you. If your refrigerator is adorned with mementos from your kid’s childhood, then you are a sucker. Maddox, who has been writing hilarious essays for his popular site, TheBestPageInTheUniverse.com since 1996, can spell, do math, and run faster than your kids—and, he is here to show you just how inferior your kids are. Marvel as Maddox deconstructs an eight-year-old’s crayon-drawn family portrait! Laugh uproariously as he judges sub-par Valentines, homemade “gifts,” and other areas of elementary-aged underperformance! Why reward weakness and mediocrity with gold stars? You are in Maddox’s world now, and no child is safe from the scrutiny and critical gaze of the world’s foremost authority on children’s crappy artwork.




The Blue Whale


Book Description

A nonfiction picture book full of great charm and beauty, The Blue Whale is both informative and completely captivating!




Whales, Whaling, and Ocean Ecosystems


Book Description

"A must read for anyone interested in the ecology of whales, this timely and creative volume is sure to stimulate new research for years to come."—Annalisa Berta, San Diego State University