I Nearly Shit Myself: Books 1-4.


Book Description

I Nearly Shit Myself #1. Do you believe in ghosts? Bill End doesn't, but as his first night back as a Security Guard, he soon realises they are real, VERY real. Not only are they out to scare him, but they are also out to take his mind, body and soul. Will he make it through the night, with his sanity and soul intact? Or will he become something else! With randy ghost William Moorcock on his back, ANYTHING is possible! I Nearly Shit Myself #2. A chemical leak has led to a strange creature growing in the sewers and is now seeking human flesh to reproduce. When people start to go missing in very unusual circumstances, the case is given to detective Mack McKenzie & his new sidekick Steve. Something weird is happening to the people of the city, and they soon realise they will have to go down the sewers to find out what is killing all of them. Will they find out who, and what, is causing them to disappear? Or will it all just get flushed down the pan! I Nearly Shit Myself #3. When alcoholic scientist Joel discovers a new serum, he soon discovers it not only has the power to make him a monster in bed, but it also has a side effort so horrific, it makes his life a living nightmare! As his drinking gets out of control, so does his life and unknowing to him, he is killing people. With his time running out, will he live long enough to find a way out of this horror story he has created for himself? Or will he just have to accept, the serum he has taken was never going to have a happy ending! I Nearly Shit Myself #4. When Ben and his girlfriend decide to go for a naughty weekend away at a disused reservoir. They should have heeded the warning sign. KEEP OUT. NO SWIMMING. After their weekend is cut short, and they return home, the real horror begins! The, I Nearly Shit Myself, series are now being published under new titles with alternative endings.




I Nearly Shit Myself 1


Book Description

A fun story packed with comedy/ horror, humour and a hugely different type of ghost, which will leave you looking down the toilet before you commit yourself, that is if your sense of humour is up to it! Do you believe in ghosts? Bill begins to think differently as his first night shift back as a Security Guard gets off to a bumpy start and he soon realises they are real, VERY real. Not only are they out to scare him, but they are also out to take his mind, body and soul. Will he make it through the night, with his sanity and soul intact? Or will he become something else! With randy ghost William Moorcock on his back, ANYTHING is possible during the Night Shift from hell. This book is now published as… Night Shift. Horror & Hilarity with a Banana Taste! This edition has an alternative ending.




BX-13: The Blood Game. Part 1-4.


Book Description

In part 1 of, BX-13: The Blood Game. When unsuspecting student Dylan goes on a study course to Russia, little did he realise that he would become part of an experiment so powerful, it would change him into a superhuman. After Dylan manages to escape from the secure testing facility, he suddenly wakes up with no memories of his past, then soon realises that something is wrong, very wrong. It doesn’t take long before he realises he is being hunted. For now, he has no idea why, and must rely on his wits to keep himself safe, because whatever these people are after, he knows his life is at stake. With the help of a surprising new friend, his only hope is that he can hold on long enough to remember what has been done to him, and figure a way out of this nightmare he has woken up in! Behind the scenes, an experiment has been playing out and unknowing to Dylan, he is the star pupil. Will he survive long enough to figure out what has been done to him, or will his life ebb away as quickly as he was given his superhuman powers? In part 2 of, BX-13: The Blood Game. Just when Frank and Sharon think their lives are now complete with the arrival of their new-born child, Shannon. All hell breaks loose when Shannon is taken. They are now left with trying to find who, and why, their baby has been kidnapped. As they investigate further into their daughter’s disappearance, they soon realise that those responsible will stop at nothing to keep what Shannon has locked inside her blood. With the help of Billy, a computer whiz kid, and Liev Malik once again finding himself caught up in something big, time is running out to find Shannon before she lets loose into a world full of people she will not stop killing. Not until all those responsible for taking something so precious from her are dead! With her abilities growing, the surprises keep coming, but no one had envisaged there could be more than just Shannon to wreak chaos on anyone foolish enough to get too close! Will she finally be free, or will she realise that her life was never going to be her own once her true potential is realised? In part 3 of, BX-13: The Blood Game. Liev discovers he is being watched once more, and when Frank and Sharon get back in touch, they set out on a journey that will change everything they have come to believe. Liev has a little help on the way from a usual source, because his memories are vital to his survival, and with enemies all around them, and no one they can trust but each other. Their time is running out to save the people they think need their help, but all the time they are being dragged into a game they have no idea they are playing! With time against everyone involved in the BX-13 project, the outcome was always going to not be the one you expected! In part 4 of, BX-13: The Blood Game. In the final part of, BX-13: The Blood Game, a deadly virus outbreak becomes more than just a flu epidemic reminiscent of an engineered virus, as it is targeting the elderly. Beverly Knight, a prominent Doctor in the field of tropical disease, soon discovers that this is way more than just a few people dying. As she starts to uncover the truth, a whole web of deceit has been blanketing the entire world from the truth. A secret sect, The Guardianship, has been trying to cull the world’s population and bring in a new era of super-humans. Can she stop the virus before it spreads, or will Liev Malik be left once more to save not just Shannon's life, but everyone else's on the planet? With BX-13 being at the heart of so many projects planned by The Guardianship, it is never more vital; it is destroyed by the only man capable, Liev Malik.




I Nearly Shit Myself 3


Book Description

I Nearly Shit Myself 3, is a dark tale from Joe KING that will show you how sometimes it is better to stick with what you have, rather than risk it all. With profanity from the beginning, your sense of humour/humor will be pushed to its limits! When alcoholic scientist Joel discovers a new serum, he soon discovers it not only has the power to make him a monster in bed, but it also has a side effort so horrific, it makes his life a living nightmare! As Joel’s drinking gets out of control, so does his life and unknowing to him, he is killing people. With his time running out, will he live long enough to find a way out of this horror story he has created for himself? Or will he just have to accept, the serum he has taken was never going to have a happy ending! I Nearly Shit Myself 3 is now being published as, The PLONKER with an alternative ending.




Climate Crisis: You & Your Garden


Book Description

There are many issues and obstacles we face today. We know we all need to start somewhere and that somewhere could be right outside your front or back door. Our need to change is now, not tomorrow. There is not a single environment on the entire Earth that is not now contaminated by human activity. This will continue until our biosphere can take no more. Then, we all lose. We lose a diamond that may never exist again in any other solar system amongst billions. We are still abusing fossil fuels and the simple truth is, if we continue to pump greenhouse gases into our atmosphere, if we deforest anymore land, continue to build and extract anymore minerals from the Earth, we will cook this planet to the point no life can exist. Our very survival depends on our ability to change the way we live and that day is here, right now. So much wildlife is being lost across the globe and nearly all that loss can be attributed to human activity. Your local wildlife should be important to you and you should want to help because that unseen life those plants and creatures have all contributed to our lives in ways we are yet to fully appreciate. We can do so much more to help. We can grow many seasonal foods. We can do more than you think if the will is strong to do so. My passion for wildlife is stronger now than at any time in my life. The reason for that is because I know that the natural world needs me, and all of you, more than at any time in all of its evolutionary path. We are breaking down chains of life that can recover if we act now. We can reverse climate change but we all do need to act and not for no other reason that because you, like me, you care about our planet. If this book gives you anything, I hope it gives you a new perspective on how your garden is just as important as saving our oceans, our forests and our kaleidoscope of magical plants and creatures we are custodians of. If enough of us care, I know the future can be brighter for all, and not just the few! I have included some fun facts in this book and a month-by-month gardening guide I have compiled over three decades of gardening. There are fun ways to reuse materials to save them from landfill. Projects that are easily achieved to save money or to simply grow more of your own food to save a few bucks/pounds. In truth, your garden can be anything you want it to be. All the projects in this book are from my own endeavours in my garden to create a place for me, the food I like to grow for and the local wildlife.




The BOOK: Part Two. Meghan


Book Description

With the birth of their daughter Meghan, William and Kate think the past is well behind them, but soon realise that it never actually went away and now, the sentinels are waiting to collect what they have always wanted from the beginning, Meghan! Just when William and Kate think they have figured out what is going on, Harry returns with some unexpected news, but can they trust him after the last time? As the mysterious happenings begin to unfold, it is clear to them that the sentinels will never leave them alone, not until they have come for what they have been waiting for. With time running out, William and Kate must make the hardest decision they will ever have to make. Run, or face the demons that they now know will never leave them alone. The BOOK is a modern-day classic ghost horror story. Joe King's twisted mind leads you on a guessing game, and just when you think you have figured it all out, you would be wrong!




The BOOK: Part One. Seeding


Book Description

Some books you read with impunity; other books should never be read. When a book offers life from a certain death, do you read it? Follow all the instructions for the gift of a prolonged life? Many people would? But if the instructions were for you to kill someone, a loved one. What then? This dark tale shows you how far some people would go for the gift of life. After his father's funeral, William goes back home to his parent’s cottage in a small sleepy village where he grew up to sort out the business and abode, he once thought he would never leave. His legacy of a cottage and car garage left to him by his parents soon becomes a living nightmare when things keep happening that make no logical sense in this age of realism and not witchcraft. William's partner Kate soon realises there is more than just his father’s death going in this sleepy village, and their lives are soon turned upside down with what she discovers. What was supposed to be a few days sorting out the mess left behind by William's father, soon turns into a ghost tale that has them both fighting for their very lives. The BOOK is a modern-day classic ghost horror story. Joe King's twisted mind leads you on a guessing game, and just when you think you have figured it all out, you would be wrong!




Climate Change: You, And Your Garden


Book Description

Climate Change: You, and your Garden. Climate change has become such a common word these days that we can fall into the trap of misunderstanding its importance as gardeners, and in our lives in general. This general guide will help show you how your garden can help with climate change. How you can add features and plants that will contribute to a user-friendlier garden, and how to create a more bio diverse garden to help the decline in plant, insect and mammal species. This book also contains some general information on climate change and how it is affecting You and Your garden. The world we all share is changing, and we do, as gardeners need to adapt, and change with the climate we all now face. Your garden is yours to do as you wish, so why not help the planet and also create a place for your local wildlife.




The Signal: Part One.


Book Description

When Tom Hansen invents the quantum chip, he is surprised to discover that three years later that the military had taken his technology and built the world’s first quantum computer called Ava, (Advanced Virtual Algorithm). The only thing missing enabling Ava to reach her full potential, is the programming codes Tom has hidden away in his mind, and now they need him, alive, to finish the project. Kidnapped and trapped deep below ground, he soon realises that his life and his families, is in danger and must now find a way to finish what he started. Inspector George Billings is woken early from yet another drinking binge, and with another hangover, is informed of the multiple killings the night before. As the pieces start coming together, and camera footage that reveals something so fantastic, he never thought possible. The real reasons why these seemingly innocent people have been murdered starts coming to light. With the military trying to cover everything up, he is on a mission to try to find the truth, before it all lost, buried deep beneath a secret military underground facility where Ava is learning, and ultimately planning what to do with the troubled people of Earth! Will she succeed? Or will we remain oblivious to what is really coming our way! With an alien signal to decode, time is running out, to find a way to save planet Earth and now Ava is born, the human species future hangs in the balance of the world’s first Quantum computer.




I Nearly Shit Myself 4


Book Description

I Nearly Shit Myself 4: Nature has a funny way of doing things sometimes, and it only takes a slight change in an Ecosystem and everything can go to pot. Take parasites for example, they have developed themselves over millions of years, and even use us humans for their own ends. Like the unassuming tapeworm. Their reproduction can be quite amazing and the lengths they will go to get what they want, and like all living things, the end goal is to reproduce and multiply, but when humans get involved, it generally does not end well! When Ben and his girlfriend decide to go for a naughty weekend away at a disused reservoir. They should have heeded the warning sign. KEEP OUT. NO SWIMMING. After their weekend is cut short, and they return home, the real horror begins! I Nearly Shit Myself, are a series of books that are written for the sole purpose of humour, but not just any old humour. This series of books are aimed at readers with a warped and twisted sense of humour/humor. You have been warned. PG 18.