Bard of the Deal


Book Description

From award-winning reporter and author of Pieces of Intelligence: The Existential Poetry of Donald H. Rumsfeld comes this collection of poems mined from the interviews, speeches, and tweets of Republican President-elect Donald Trump. The Vicious Ones I was attacked viciously By those women, Of course, it's very hard for them To attack me on looks, Because I'm so good looking. But I was attacked very viciously By those women. --August 9, 2015, NBC’s Meet the Press Straight from the mouth of “the Donald” himself, this treasury of spoken poetry—not a word is changed—has been culled from nearly 30 years of interviews, speeches, tweets, and ramblings from President-elect and billionaire Donald Trump. Since the 1980s, Trump has built his verses like his casinos, using only the highest quality words and phrases, regardless of cost. He’s run a real estate empire, achieved a net worth of ten billion dollars, scripted best-sellers, and starred in the top-rated TV show “The Apprentice.” Like a colossus, he bestrides the cultural world as if it were the bottle-strewn boardwalk of Atlantic City. But until now, Trump’s poetry—delivered spontaneously in moments of enduring clarity—has gone unnoticed, (making it the only aspect of Trump to be that way.) On a regular basis, The Donald speaks, tweets and hollers his verses—always without the needless restrictions of political correctness and grammar… because among world class poets, there don’t be no grammar, there only be truth… big time! Whether you’re a Trump debunker or admirer, The Bard of the Deal will delight, shock, and entertain you. So prepare to be Trumped by the ten billion dollar poetry of the ten billion dollar bard. This is the art of the poem.




The Chaos Gate


Book Description

Once a Necromancer like all his kind, the reformed Dark Elf Naitachal is now a Bard. But shadows from his past linger. His erstwhile clan sees him as the worst of traitors--and they mean to take revenge using the Chaos Gate. Only Kevin, once Naitachal's apprentice but now a Count in his own castle, can save the Dark Elf from doom.




For the Love of the Bard


Book Description

“Perfect to read on the beach.” –The Boston Globe To go for it or not to go for it? That is the question when two former high school flames return to their Shakespeare-obsessed hometown for a summer of theater and unexpected romance, in a laugh-out-loud rom-com from debut author Jessica Martin. Literary agent and writer Miranda Barnes rolls into her hometown of Bard’s Rest with one goal in mind: to spend the summer finally finishing her YA novel, the next installment in her bestselling fantasy series. Yet Miranda’s mother, deep in the planning stages for the centennial of the town’s beloved annual Shakespeare festival, has other ideas. Before you can say “all’s fair in love and war,” Miranda is cornered into directing Twelfth Night—while simultaneously scrambling to finish her book, navigating a family health scare, and doing her best to avoid the guy who broke her heart on prom night. When it comes to Adam, the veterinarian with a talent for set design and an infuriating knack for winning over Miranda’s dog, the lady doth protest too much. As any Shakespeare lovers knows, the course of true love never did run smooth, and soon Miranda realizes she’ll have to decide whether to trust Adam with her heart again.




Shakespeare's Landlord


Book Description

From Charlaine Harris, the #1 New York Times and USA TODAY bestselling author behind HBO’s hit series True Blood and NBC’s Midnight, Texas, the first in a series of mysteries that hits as hard as its heroine... Lily Bard has no illusions about her little town being safe, or peaceful, or full of goodness. Shakespeare, Arkansas, was nothing but a name on a map when she moved here. But Lily has kept her head down in Shakespeare for four years: cleaned houses, blocked unwelcome memories, and honed her body into a weapon with goju karate. It’s as long as she’s lasted anywhere since the nightmare that changed her life, and she’s willing to dust around the skeletons in her neighbors’ closets—provided they mind their business about her past, too. But when a dead body is dumped practically in her front yard, she can’t look away and leave it to innocents to find. And as the investigation creeps closer to Lily, her clients, and the secrets they all keep, she knows her hard-fought peace is in danger. She’s living in close quarters with a murderer. The police are sniffing around her history. And once again, all eyes are on Lily Bard. She could leave town, and give up on the home she’s begun to make. Or she could stay, and root out the killer herself...




Shakespeare's Trollop


Book Description

Welcome back to Shakespeare - a charming Arkansas town with endless back roads, an eclectic mix of residents, and a dollop of noir. Featuring cleaning woman/karate expert Lily Bard, Charlaine Harris's series puts a unique spin on the traditional cozy to create mysteries that "work on every level. The writing and plotting are first rate [and] Lily is appealing in her own prickly way" --Washington Times In this installment, Lily discovers lifelong Shakespeare resident Deedra Dean murdered inside a car parked in a woodsy area outside town. Determined not to get involved, Lily wants to leave the police work to Sheriff Marta Schuster and her team of deputies, and concentrate on cleaning, high kicks, and her boyfriend Jack's impending visit. But when Deedra's notoriously promiscuous lifestyle provides an extensive list of suspects but very few clues, Lily has no choice but to resume the roll of amateur detective and join the investigation. In Shakespeare's Trollop, the fourth book in Charlaine Harris's highly acclaimed and darkly compelling series, Lily Bard delivers a hard-hitting mix of Southern charm and street smarts, a combination so alluring that long-time readers and newcomers will be dying to visit Shakespeare again.




Bedlam Boyz


Book Description

Prequel to Bedlam's Bard When one of her friends is gunned down, Kayla uses her latent healing powers to heal her friend¾and the gang member who shot him¾and soon the city's gangs are eager to use her powers for evil. At the publisher's request, this title is sold without DRM (Digital Rights Management).




Beyond World'S End


Book Description

An Eric Banyon fantasy.




Lightnin'


Book Description




Shakespeare's Counselor


Book Description

Cleaning woman and karate expert Lily Bard is a woman with a complicated past. Trying her best to copy with her terrifying memories, she decides to join a therapy group in her adopted hometown of Shakespeare, Arkansas. As it turns out, the group members' feelings aren't the only things that need sorting out, as they assemble for a session only to find a woman dead, left on display to send a twisted message. Lily soon finds herself embroiled in the murder and its aftermath. Some of her own terrible secrets have been dredged up, and she may not be able to rest until she can untangle the 'who' and the 'why' of this terrible crime. But can she do so before the killer strikes again - and before her own nightmares send her over the edge?




Tale of Two Minutes


Book Description

Two workaholic women meet in a conference room. Jaci is a yoga instructor/massage therapist with two minutes to sell CEO Selene Vas on a new idea-an idea Selene doesn't blink to shoot down. But now that they've laid eyes on each other, each woman has a new proposal to make Selene wants sex of an unusual variety, and Jaci wants a job. So they meet again, each woman making her case until they come to a decision. This is the tale of them both finding out what they really want, and how two different worlds just might be perfect together. Genre: Romance Pairing: Female-Female Theme: BDSM Language: Adult Sexual Content: Graphic NOTE TO BUYERS: This book is unedited because "Tale of Two Minutes: is The Smutty Bard's first tale, and the tip jar is currently empty. But, as funds are added, such things as editors can be paid and more stories put to ink. A bard can perform solo for free, but must pay other professionals for their crafts. This book is ground zero in raising such funds, and The Smutty Bard thanks you for your patronage.