Confessions of a Guide Dog


Book Description

Have you ever wondered what a guide dog does? How do they know to lead a blind owner? Can they understand traffic lights? Most importantly, how does the owner know where to pick up the poop? This memoir answers these questionsand more. It tells what guide dogs are supposed to do. Theyre smart, loyal and well-trainedbut not all dogs are created alike. Musket is proof of that. Hes definitely got a thing for treats and belly rubs. For the first time, the dog has his say. (Of course he needed a little help with the typing, since he doesnt have opposable thumbs. Thats where author Mark Carlson came in. Still, Musket is the brains of the outfit.) Mark and Musket tell their story with humor, emotion, and Muskets occasional contradictions. And at the end of the day, Musket somehow manages to be a great guide dog too. Confessions of a Guide Dog was written so a wonderful, devoted dog could reach out to those who havent been lucky enough to meet him. Hell make you smile, laugh, cry, and want to give him treats. This is their story. (And theyre sticking to it.)




Confessions of a Guidette


Book Description

A loud, wild, cuddly and in-your-face party girl with sky-high hair and a spray tan, the pint-size Snooki has emerged as the breakout star of the wildly successful Jersey Shore. She's been parodied on Saturday Night Live, appeared on almost every major talk show (including Leno and Conan), was featured in the New York Times, and has more than 300,000 followers on Twitter. Snooki also has attracted a slew of celebrity fans, like Leo DiCaprio, Sean "Diddy" Combs, Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Zach Braff and Tinsley Mortimer. This attractively designed full colour book will feature tons of photos, tips, and fascinating details from American's favourite guidette and will be a must have for fans of Snooki and Jersey Shore. * Snooki Style: The poof never dies; Waving, streaking and bangin' it - my other sick hairstyles; Why orange you tan; The guidette wardrobe - what to rock. * Guidos, Gorillas & Juiceheads: What I look for in a gorilla; Different types of gorillas; How to break up with a guido so he isn't a stage-5 cling; Warning signs that the guy is a creeper; 5 sure signs a guy isn't a guido. * How To Be a Guidette: The Guidette Pose; 12 things a guidette would never do; The Snictionary, or a Guidette's favourite words.




Dog Confessions


Book Description

Discover the doggone truth behind those sad puppy eyes. Author and humorist Allia Zobel Nolan caught these silly pooches in action, listened to their mutt-erings, and then offered them a chance to ditch the doghouse...by confessing their canine crimes! For pet enthusiasts everywhere, here's the chance to read what Fido's barking about and howl at the wild photos. Is the dog truly man's best friend? Think again! Add this title to Allia's other two humorous pet books, Cat Confessions and I'd Rather Be a Cat, and you'll never be without a laugh.




Confessions of a Hater


Book Description

High school was pretty much like this huge party I wasn't actually invited to, but I still had to show up to every day. Hailey Harper has always felt invisible. Now her dad has a new job and the family is moving to Hollywood. Just what Hailey needs: starting a new high school. As she's packing, Hailey finds a journal that belonged to her older sister, Noel, who is away at college. Called "How to be a Hater," it's full of info Hailey can really use. Has Hailey found the Bible of Coolness? Will it help her reinvent herself at her new school? Will her crush notice her? Will she and the other Invisibles dethrone the popular mean girls? After all, they deserve it. Don't they? In Confessions of a Hater, Caprice Crane's funny—and deeply felt—observations about high school, bullies, popularity, friendship, and romance will leave teens thinking . . . and talking.




Confessions of a Wannabe Cheerleader


Book Description

Sunday, September 5: Afternoon, my crib Spirit Level: Cheered Out OK, so this was supposed to be the first day of my new, totally fantastic life as a Port Angeles School Titan Cheerleader. BUT instead, it’s the day that I, Madison Jane Hays, got rejected from the Titans and forced to join the dreaded, B-Squad Grizzly Bears. That’s right. My name was sandwiched in between Jared “Jazzhands” Handler and “Toxic” Tabitha Sue Stevens. Oh, and the girl who can’t even speak English, Katarina Tarasov. Yup, we’re one big hairy family. I went from being a god-like Titan to a lowly Grizzly in like, five seconds. My life. Is Seriously. O-V-E-R. I mean, who cheers at chess matches??!! I’m never going to make it to Nationals with a team like this. All I’ve ever wanted to do in life is cheer for the Titans. My mom (the most gorgeous, youngest ex-Titan cheerleader of ALL TIME, BTW) must be so disappointed! How she ended up with such a spastic daughter, I’ll never know. What I DO know? If I don’t whip this team into shape fast, I’ll literally DIE from embarrassment. Thank goodness I have my BFFs Lanie and Evan to keep me sane—otherwise, I might SERIOUSLY lose it. When Maddy's triple flip becomes a major FLOP during tryouts, the whole gym echoes with the snickers from the Titan cheerleading triumvirate: Katie Parker, Clementine Prescott, and Hilary Cho. Forced to join the challenged B-Squad Grizzlies instead, Maddy realizes that to become a Titan she'll need to whip the Grizzlies into shape first. Will Maddy ever land on top of the pyramid with a squad like this? Maybe not, but when her awesome designs for new Grizzly uniforms get revealed at a big game, even the Titans are overheard whispering her name. Does this mean what she thinks it means?




Dog Sees God


Book Description

The one-liners fly like rockets in THE NEW CENTURY, the rollicking bill of short plays by Paul Rudnick...Building on time-honored traditions within gay and Jewish humor, Mr. Rudnick turns stereotypes into bullet-deflecting armor and jokes into an inexhaust Compelling drama...deliriously entertaining. --The New Yorker. Hilarious...raw and revealing. --EdgeNewYork.com. Playwright Jason Chimonides' script abounds with witty remarks, dirty allusions, and random tangents where high art and popular culture collide




Confessions: The Paris Mysteries


Book Description

In this New York Times bestseller, brilliant detective Tandy Angel is meeting her lost love in Paris . . . but when he becomes more distant, she starts to question everything she knows. Is there anyone she can trust? After investigating multiple homicides and her family's decades-old skeletons in the closet, Tandy Angel is finally reunited with her lost love in Paris. But as he grows increasingly distant, she is confronted with disturbing questions about him, as well as what really happened to her long-dead sister. With no way to tell anymore who in her life she can trust, how will Tandy ever get to the bottom of the countless secrets her parents kept from her? James Patterson leads this brilliant teenage detective through Paris on a trail of lies years in the making, with shocking revelations around every corner.




Confessions of a Dork Lord


Book Description

Despicable Me meets Diary of a Wimpy Kid in this hilarious illustrated middle grade adventure that follows a hapless warlock-in-training as he struggles to live up to his great and terrible destiny. Meet Wick. He's the son of the Dark Lord, heir to the throne of black and broken glass, and next in line to be the leader of the Grim World. Too bad he's stuck in Remedial Spell Casting (he can barely even cast the fart-revealer spell), he's allergic to fire and brimstone, and the bullies at school insist on calling him Dork Lord. Full of humor, hijinks, and lively illustrations, Confessions of a Dork Lord follows Wick through the pages of his journal as he comes up with a genius plan to defeat his foes, achieve greatness . . . and survive Middle Ages School. "I loved every page, and your kid will too!" --Melissa de la Cruz, bestselling author of the Descendants series "It's not easy being bad. But this book will give you a head start." --Pseudonymous Bosch, bestselling author of the Secret series "Hilarious! Not to be missed!" --Eoin Colfer, bestselling author of the Artemis Fowl series




Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog


Book Description

This one's for you, extraordinary ordinary women everywhere It's time for seriously hilarious girl-talk with New York Times bestselling author Lisa Scottoline. She's shared this collection of scenes from her real life, and she bets her life sounds a lot like yours . . . if you crave carbs, can't find jeans that fit, and still believe that these two things are unrelated. Pick up this book--you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll swear off pantyhose. Here are some examples of Lisa's wit and wisdom: "Everybody has their pornography, and mine is the real estate ads." "We'll get universal health care before we get beauty salons open on Mondays, and that's backwards. Ask any woman if she'd rather have a haircut or a mammogram, and you'll see what I mean." "Mothers are a natural force, and maybe an alternative source of fuel." "Lately there's been talk about a religion that allows polygamy, so that a man can have as many wives as he pleases. Where is the religion that allows a woman to have as many husbands as she pleases?" "I have never been in an accident, if you don't count my two marriages." "My mother taught us that if you eat baked beans from a can that has dents, you'll die of botulism. This was before people injected botulism into their faces. Nowadays, the dented can will kill you, but you'll look young." Inspired by her wildly popular column in The Philadelphia Inquirer entitled "Chick Wit," Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog is a book you'll have to put down--just to stop laughing.




Building a Grouse Dog


Book Description

Building a Grouse Dog: From Puppy to Polished Performer by Craig Doherty, is the most comprehensive, how-to manual there is for taking an eight-week-old little squirmer of any pointing breed and turning him or her into that most coveted game bird finder there is: a finished grouse dog. Unlike many general pointing-dog training books, this one concentrates on one species – the ruffed grouse. Grouse are notorious for their caginess, their wariness, and their difficulty in being pinned down so a hunter can get close enough to flush and shoot. It takes a dog that has been trained nearly from birth to handle that task, and no one knows how to do it better than Craig Doherty. Craig was the driving force behind Field Trial Magazine, is a columnist for The Pointing Dog Journal, regularly competes in grouse trials throughout the Northeast, professionally trains grouse dogs for clients from all over the country, and – this is important – guides grouse hunters using his own dogs trained in his outstanding methods; important because paying clients need results, and those results can only come by following dogs that know the game. A number of how-to training books tell you what to do from beginning to end; but if you have started your own training, run into problems, and consult the literature, many times you’ll find that the advice is something along the lines of, “Well, you messed up because you didn’t do X, Y, and Z. Remember that so you won’t ruin your next dog.” Not Craig – if you have run into a snag with your current dog, Craig tells you what to do to get past it and on with the dog’s completed training. So if your aim, your goal, is to own and hunt behind a finished grouse dog that knows what’s what in the coverts, Building a Grouse Dog is the best guide you’ll ever have.