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Crazy Sh*t Old People Say

Author : Geoff Tibballs

Publisher : Robinson

Page : 176 pages

File Size : 27,88 MB

Release : 2011-05-26

Category : Humor

ISBN : 1849019223

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Book Description

With old age comes grey hair, dodgy knees, a sudden passion for re-runs of Murder, She Wrote, and an apparent God-given licence to speak one's mind and be generally offensive without fear of retribution. Under the guise of passing on the benefits of their experience to family members or just casual acquaintances, old people exercise their right to swear, cuss and insult as they please. These feisty philosophers take no prisoners as they use their scalpel-like tongues to dissect modern life and the younger generations. If challenged over their outrageous comments, they'll play the age card: you know the sort of thing - 'I'm eighty-six, I've fought for my country, and if I want to call you a no-good, lowdown, useless fuckwit, then I'll call you a no-good, lowdown, useless fuckwit, Vicar.' Other gems include: It bugs me when people say, 'Life is short.' What the hell does it mean? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does! Are they going to do something that's longer? Son, if it's got tits or tyres, you're gonna have trouble with it. We all have our disappointments in life, son, and I'm talking to mine right now. The only way in which life resembles a bed of roses is that you encounter a lot of pricks along the way. Sure I'm surprised you can't get a job, son. I heard the world was crying out for someone who is lazy, has no qualifications but can spit gum into a waste paper basket from ten feet. Don't you think you might stand a better chance of becoming a captain of industry if you got rid of some of that metal shit on your body - like the nose stud and the eyebrow rings? Donald Trump may have a crap haircut but I bet he doesn't have pierced fucking nipples. Son, if life was fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. The secret of a happy life is to run out of cash and air at exactly the same time.



Crap Kitchen

Author : Geoff Tibballs

Publisher : Robinson

Page : 203 pages

File Size : 18,83 MB

Release : 2015-11-19

Category : Humor

ISBN : 1472136829

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Book Description

The worst cookbook ever, packed with truly bizarre and utterly disgusting recipes from all over the world Ever since humankind produced its first foodie, the culinary world has dished up some staggering confections which could best be described as 'acquired tastes': dishes such as Virgin Boy Eggs (eggs soaked in the urine of prepubescent boys); live octopus, which clutches at the diner's tongue and throat as it is swallowed; and Beard Beer, made from the yeast found in facial hair. In northern Greenland, the Inuit are fond of cramming as many as 500 dead auks (small sea birds) into an old seal skin which they place under a large rock until the birds have fermented into what has rightly been described as a 'sticky, pungent, toxic, cheesy gloop'. Kiviak, as it is called, is eaten by biting off the birds' heads and sucking out the juices. The mighty Roman Empire was built on such delicacies as larks' tongues, stuffed thrush, boiled flamingo and grilled cow's womb, while the Tudors loved nothing more than a roast cockenthrice: the head and upper body of a pig carefully stitched onto the lower body and legs of a turkey. Today, for those with an adventurous mindset and a robust life insurance policy, there is no shortage of nauseating local delicacies to enjoy. In China, not only is tuna eyeball on the menu, but also yak penis (served whole). In Vietnam, one can enjoy the still-beating heart of a freshly-killed snake; in Iceland, raw puffin heart. In the Philippines, there is duck embryo to be had - like a Kinder Surprise . . . only containing a dead foetus instead of a toy. In Sardinia, they like nothing more than a nice bit of maggot-infested cheese; and the favourite tipple of Korean foodies is Ttongsul, a wine made from the fermented faeces of a child. Bon appetit!



The World's 100 Weirdest Museums

Author : Geoff Tibballs

Publisher : Robinson

Page : 152 pages

File Size : 26,64 MB

Release : 2016-10-20

Category : Humor

ISBN : 1472136969

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Book Description

When we think of the world's great museums, we tend to think of the Louvre, the Guggenheim or the Victoria and Albert. We do not immediately think of the Dog Collar Museum, the Kansas Barbed Wire Museum, the Museum of Broken Relationships or Barney Smith's Toilet Seat Art Museum. Yet scattered across the globe are museums dedicated to every conceivable subject, from bananas to Bigfoot, lawnmowers to leprechauns, teapots to tapeworms, mustard to moist towelettes, and pencils to penises. Many are serious collections housed in grand buildings, others are located in tiny premises and are open to visitors by appointment only, often the result of one person's crazy lifetime obsession. This book lists the world's 100 weirdest museums in order of quirkiness, encompassing such delights as The Museum of Witchcraft in Cornwall, a museum in Kentucky that houses 800 ventriloquists' dolls, the Museum of Bad Art in Massachusetts, the Paris Sewer Museum, the French Fry Museum in Bruges, the Museum of Contraception and Abortion in Vienna, the Salt and Pepper Shaker Museum in Tennessee, Japan's Momofuku Ando Instant Ramen Museum (quite possibly the world's only museum devoted to instant noodles), and the Kunstkamera in St Petersburg, home to Peter the Great's collection of oddities including deformed fetuses and the decapitated head of a love rival preserved in vinegar. After all, what holiday is complete until you have seen a 300-year-old decapitated human head in a jar? Each entry will include address, contact and admission details, so the next time you are in Berlin there is no excuse for missing out on a visit to the Currywurst Museum, the world's leading museum dedicated to sausages in hot ketchup.



The Truth about Old People

Author : Elina Ellis

Publisher :

Page : 32 pages

File Size : 32,6 MB

Release : 2020-02-20

Category :

ISBN : 9781509882274

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Book Description

Children's Book of the Week in The TelegraphA very funny and lovable picture book tribute to grandparents and older people.When you're small, everybody bigger than you seems really old. But does being older have to mean being boring, or slow, or quiet? NO! Elina Ellis' wonderful illustrations reveal that the age you are makes no difference to how amazing you can be.From the winner of the Macmillan Prize for Illustration 2017, The Truth About Old People is an instant favourite with children and grown-ups that tackles ageism without being preachy. Elina has a great talent for characterful illustration: you'll feel like you've known this family all your life.



My old people say: Part 2

Author : Catharine McClellan

Publisher : University of Ottawa Press

Page : 323 pages

File Size : 21,58 MB

Release : 2001-01-01

Category : Social Science

ISBN : 1772823023

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Book Description

Long out-of-print, My Old People Say has remained a primary resource for students of the history and culture of northwestern North America. Catherine McClellan’s three decades of collaboration with the Inland Tlingit, Tagish and Southern Tutchone resulted in two splendid, scholarly volumes that document rich and detailed memories of late nineteenth century social organization, subsistence strategies and resource allocation, as well as aesthetic, spiritual and intellectual traditions.



Mosquito

Author : Gayl Jones

Publisher : Beacon Press

Page : 626 pages

File Size : 41,82 MB

Release : 2022-03-08

Category : Fiction

ISBN : 0807006629

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Book Description

From the highly acclaimed author of Corregidora and The Healing—a rare and unforgettable journey set along the US–Mexico border about identity, immigration, and “the new underground railroad.” “Jones’s great achievement is to reckon with both history and interiority, and to collapse the boundary between them.”—Anna Wiener, The New Yorker First discovered and edited by Toni Morrison, Gayl Jones has been described as one of the great literary writers of the 20th century. In Mosquito, she examines the US–Mexico border crisis through the eyes of Sojourner Nadine Jane Johnson, an African American truck driver known as Mosquito. Her journey beings after discovering a stowaway who nearly gives birth in the back of her truck, sparking her accidental and yet growing involvement in “the new underground railroad,” a sanctuary movement for Mexican immigrants. As Mosquito’s understanding of the immigrants’s need to forge new lives and identities deepens, so too does Mosquito’s romance with Ray, a gentle revolutionary, philosopher, and, perhaps, a priest. Along the road, Mosquito introduces us to Delgadina, a Chicana bartender who fries cactus, writes haunting stories, and studies to become a detective; Monkey Bread, a childhood pal who is, improbably, assistant to a blonde star in Hollywood; Maria, the stowaway who names her baby Journal, a misspelled tribute to her unwitting benefactor Sojourner; and many more.



How to Write Funny

Author : John Kachuba

Publisher : Penguin

Page : 235 pages

File Size : 43,71 MB

Release : 2001-07-01

Category : Language Arts & Disciplines

ISBN : 1582978328

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Book Description

Writing humor is subjective and challenging - thankfully, there are many ways to create it. How to Write Funny provides advice, insights and humor from more than twenty writers with a gift for making readers laugh. In a diverse collection of articles and interviews, both classic and new, this esteemed group of writers, including Dave Barry, Bill Bryson and Jennifer Crusie, provides different viewpoints on how humor works on the page, whether in short stories, memoirs, novels or articles. You'll learn the principles and basic forms of comedy, when to break the rules of reason, the importance of being yourself, why you should stop trying to hard to be funny, and how to write for specific genres and audiences. You'll also sit in on a special roundtable discussion featuring P.J. O'Rourke, Mark Leyner, Maggie Estep and James Finn Garner, as well as a one-of-a-kind "how-to" workshop conducted by funny lady and best-selling author Jennifer Crusie. You've got a sense of humor. You've got the will to write. Combining the two, and getting it right, will bring a smile to your face and a chuckle to your readers.



Dar es Salaam

Author : Tara Kai

Publisher : Bridgeworks

Page : 236 pages

File Size : 23,13 MB

Release : 2004-01-28

Category : Fiction

ISBN : 1461623235

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Book Description

This is the story of the emotional awakening of a perceptive and precocious 14-year-old English girl, Tatum, while on vacation with her family in Tanzania.





Now That's Funny!

Author : Peter Desberg

Publisher : Square One Publishers, Inc.

Page : 311 pages

File Size : 12,86 MB

Release : 2017-06-07

Category : Performing Arts

ISBN : 0757054455

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Book Description

There is a feeling of pure delight that comes from laughing out loud while watching a hilarious movie or a TV show. Yet as funny as these lines may be, they are the work of people you will never see. The magic behind any comedy hit begins when an idea is hatched in the mind of a comedy writer and is then put down on paper. And while few of us are privy to this fascinating process, for writers Peter Desberg and Jeffrey Davis, the challenge of observing and understanding how comedy is born has culminated in a unique new book, Now That’s Funny! Desberg and Davis provide an intimate look into the minds of twenty-four of Hollywood’s funniest comedy writers, who have given us such shows as: Saturday Night Live Monk Everybody Loves Raymond The Simpsons Frasier Maude Home Improvement Valerie Modern Family Cheers There’s Something about Mary The Honeymooners Suddenly Susan Newhart Sabrina the Teenage Witch Archie Bunker’s Place The Tracey Ullman Show Wings Who’s The Boss? and more How do you get to see the creative wheels turn? The authors’ premise was simple: Using a Q and A format, they provided each writer with a story idea and let them run with it. Each of the writers was told there were no rules, no boundaries, and no limits! Because everyone started with the same concept, the authors could see how some writers jumped in and began creating, while others asked lots of questions; how some writers stuck closely to the premise, while others turned it on its head. What emerges is an entertaining look—illuminating and hilarious in turn—at the creative process behind hit TV shows and movies. If you’re one of the millions who have enjoyed watching the work of comedy writers, here is an opportunity to go behind the scenes and see the madness unfold. Now that’s funny!