Housepets! Hope They Don't Get Eaten


Book Description

Housepets! Hope They Don't Get Eaten collects the second year of the award-winning webcomic! Thrill as the things that happened before happen again, only this time with more stuff! Meet the Milton Ferrets, the richest and cutest little hedonists the world has imparted too much money to, and meet King, everyone's favorite Corgi, holding twenty gallons of angst in a ten-gallon angst receptacle.Here are some more quotes from satisfied customers!"It's a book!" --Lana Milton"Enlightening, monumentally profound . . . quite possibly the best collection of writings to grace this earth since Cicero. Because my kids are actually interested in it." --Miles the Wolf"What th--is this ME? This is . . . this is showing everything! What kind of sick joke is this?!" --KingThis book also contains the short story All the King's Men, finally completed after all this time! you'll wonder how you ever lived without it.




Housepets! Are Gonna Sniff Everybody


Book Description

Housepets are back for their fourth book! This book collects the comics that ran on housepetscomic.com between June of 2011 to May of 2012. Experts* are calling this collection "Perhaps the greatest thing in all of mankind; I weep to think that all of human civilization beyond this point is but a slow downward spiral toward inevitable oblivion." If that quote didn't convince you, check out these quotes from other satisfied customers: "EEHEHEHEH! Are you looking for something to try? Then why not this book you could buy? It's filled with such fun That is second to none As this painful rhyme scheme implies!" --Crazy Old Man Who Only Speaks In Limericks "For the last time, roleplaying in your friend's mom's basement does NOT make me a geek!" --Pete "I miss when this comic was about animals." --Duke Milton "I think these fake quotes are getting out of hand." --"Four Finger Discount" Jack Be sure to check out the other books in the series! Book 1: https://www.createspace.com/3640453 Book 2: https://www.createspace.com/3705440 Book 3: https://www.createspace.com/3962360 *The author in a wig




The Other End of the Leash


Book Description

Learn to communicate with your dog—using their language “Good reading for dog lovers and an immensely useful manual for dog owners.”—The Washington Post An Applied Animal Behaviorist and dog trainer with more than twenty years’ experience, Dr. Patricia McConnell reveals a revolutionary new perspective on our relationship with dogs—sharing insights on how “man’s best friend” might interpret our behavior, as well as essential advice on how to interact with our four-legged friends in ways that bring out the best in them. After all, humans and dogs are two entirely different species, each shaped by its individual evolutionary heritage. Quite simply, humans are primates and dogs are canids (as are wolves, coyotes, and foxes). Since we each speak a different native tongue, a lot gets lost in the translation. This marvelous guide demonstrates how even the slightest changes in our voices and in the ways we stand can help dogs understand what we want. Inside you will discover: • How you can get your dog to come when called by acting less like a primate and more like a dog • Why the advice to “get dominance” over your dog can cause problems • Why “rough and tumble primate play” can lead to trouble—and how to play with your dog in ways that are fun and keep him out of mischief • How dogs and humans share personality types—and why most dogs want to live with benevolent leaders rather than “alpha wanna-bes!” Fascinating, insightful, and compelling, The Other End of the Leash is a book that strives to help you connect with your dog in a completely new way—so as to enrich that most rewarding of relationships.




I Know This Much Is True


Book Description

With his stunning debut novel, She's Come Undone, Wally Lamb won the adulation of critics and readers with his mesmerizing tale of one woman's painful yet triumphant journey of self-discovery. Now, this brilliantly talented writer returns with I Know This Much Is True, a heartbreaking and poignant multigenerational saga of the reproductive bonds of destruction and the powerful force of forgiveness. A masterpiece that breathtakingly tells a story of alienation and connection, power and abuse, devastation and renewal--this novel is a contemporary retelling of an ancient Hindu myth. A proud king must confront his demons to achieve salvation. Change yourself, the myth instructs, and you will inhabit a renovated world. When you're the same brother of a schizophrenic identical twin, the tricky thing about saving yourself is the blood it leaves on your bands--the little inconvenience of the look-alike corpse at your feet. And if you're into both survival of the fittest and being your brother's keeper--if you've promised your dying mother--then say so long to sleep and hello to the middle of the night. Grab a book or a beer. Get used to Letterman's gap-toothed smile of the absurd, or the view of the bedroom ceiling, or the influence of random selection. Take it from a godless insomniac. Take it from the uncrazy twin--the guy who beat the biochemical rap. Dominick Birdsey's entire life has been compromised and constricted by anger and fear, by the paranoid schizophrenic twin brother he both deeply loves and resents, and by the past they shared with their adoptive father, Ray, a spit-and-polish ex-Navy man (the five-foot-six-inch sleeping giant who snoozed upstairs weekdays in the spare room and built submarines at night), and their long-suffering mother, Concettina, a timid woman with a harelip that made her shy and self-conscious: She holds a loose fist to her face to cover her defective mouth--her perpetual apology to the world for a birth defect over which she'd had no control. Born in the waning moments of 1949 and the opening minutes of 1950, the twins are physical mirror images who grow into separate yet connected entities: the seemingly strong and protective yet fearful Dominick, his mother's watchful "monkey"; and the seemingly weak and sweet yet noble Thomas, his mother's gentle "bunny." From childhood, Dominick fights for both separation and wholeness--and ultimately self-protection--in a house of fear dominated by Ray, a bully who abuses his power over these stepsons whose biological father is a mystery. I was still afraid of his anger but saw how he punished weakness--pounced on it. Out of self-preservation I hid my fear, Dominick confesses. As for Thomas, he just never knew how to play defense. He just didn't get it. But Dominick's talent for survival comes at an enormous cost, including the breakup of his marriage to the warm, beautiful Dessa, whom he still loves. And it will be put to the ultimate test when Thomas, a Bible-spouting zealot, commits an unthinkable act that threatens the tenuous balance of both his and Dominick's lives. To save himself, Dominick must confront not only the pain of his past but the dark secrets he has locked deep within himself, and the sins of his ancestors--a quest that will lead him beyond the confines of his blue-collar New England town to the volcanic foothills of Sicily 's Mount Etna, where his ambitious and vengefully proud grandfather and a namesake Domenico Tempesta, the sostegno del famiglia, was born. Each of the stories Ma told us about Papa reinforced the message that he was the boss, that he ruled the roost, that what he said went. Searching for answers, Dominick turns to the whispers of the dead, to the pages of his grandfather's handwritten memoir, The History of Domenico Onofrio Tempesta, a Great Man from Humble Beginnings. Rendered with touches of magic realism, Domenico's fablelike tale--in which monkeys enchant and religious statues weep--becomes the old man's confession--an unwitting legacy of contrition that reveals the truth's of Domenico's life, Dominick learns that power, wrongly used, defeats the oppressor as well as the oppressed, and now, picking through the humble shards of his deconstructed life, he will search for the courage and love to forgive, to expiate his and his ancestors' transgressions, and finally to rebuild himself beyond the haunted shadow of his twin. Set against the vivid panoply of twentieth-century America and filled with richly drawn, memorable characters, this deeply moving and thoroughly satisfying novel brings to light humanity's deepest needs and fears, our aloneness, our desire for love and acceptance, our struggle to survive at all costs. Joyous, mystical, and exquisitely written, I Know This Much Is True is an extraordinary reading experience that will leave no reader untouched.




Tender Is the Flesh


Book Description

Working at the local processing plant, Marcos is in the business of slaughtering humans—though no one calls them that anymore. His wife has left him, his father is sinking into dementia, and Marcos tries not to think too hard about how he makes a living. After all, it happened so quickly. First, it was reported that an infectious virus has made all animal meat poisonous to humans. Then governments initiated the “Transition.” Now, eating human meat—“special meat”—is legal. Marcos tries to stick to numbers, consignments, processing. Then one day he’s given a gift: a live specimen of the finest quality. Though he’s aware that any form of personal contact is forbidden on pain of death, little by little he starts to treat her like a human being. And soon, he becomes tortured by what has been lost—and what might still be saved.




Unnatural Companions


Book Description

"Highly compelling...page-turning read" — TNC's Cool Green Science We love our pets. Dogs, cats, birds, reptiles, and other species have become an essential part of more families than ever before—in North America today, pets outnumber people. Pet owners are drawn to their animal companions through an innate desire to connect with other species. But there is a dark side to our domestic connection with animal life: the pet industry is contributing to a global conservation crisis for wildlife—often without the knowledge of pet owners. In Unnatural Companions, journalist Peter Christie issues a call to action for pet owners. If we hope to reverse the alarming trend of wildlife decline, pet owners must acknowledge the pets-versus-conservation dilemma and concede that our well-fed and sheltered cats too often prey on small backyard wildlife and seemingly harmless reptiles released into the wild might be the next destructive invasive species. We want our pets to eat nutritionally healthy food, but how does the designer food we feed them impact the environment? Christie's book is a cautionary tale to responsible pet owners about why we must change the ways we love and care for our pets. It concludes with the positive message that the small changes we make at home can foster better practices within the pet industry that will ultimately benefit our pets’ wild brethren.




Hyperbole and a Half


Book Description

#1 New York Times Bestseller “Funny and smart as hell” (Bill Gates), Allie Brosh’s Hyperbole and a Half showcases her unique voice, leaping wit, and her ability to capture complex emotions with deceptively simple illustrations. FROM THE PUBLISHER: Every time Allie Brosh posts something new on her hugely popular blog Hyperbole and a Half the internet rejoices. This full-color, beautifully illustrated edition features more than fifty percent new content, with ten never-before-seen essays and one wholly revised and expanded piece as well as classics from the website like, “The God of Cake,” “Dogs Don’t Understand Basic Concepts Like Moving,” and her astonishing, “Adventures in Depression,” and “Depression Part Two,” which have been hailed as some of the most insightful meditations on the disease ever written. Brosh’s debut marks the launch of a major new American humorist who will surely make even the biggest scrooge or snob laugh. We dare you not to. FROM THE AUTHOR: This is a book I wrote. Because I wrote it, I had to figure out what to put on the back cover to explain what it is. I tried to write a long, third-person summary that would imply how great the book is and also sound vaguely authoritative—like maybe someone who isn’t me wrote it—but I soon discovered that I’m not sneaky enough to pull it off convincingly. So I decided to just make a list of things that are in the book: Pictures Words Stories about things that happened to me Stories about things that happened to other people because of me Eight billion dollars* Stories about dogs The secret to eternal happiness* *These are lies. Perhaps I have underestimated my sneakiness!




Housepets! Don't Criticize Your Lovelife


Book Description

Housepets is (are?) back in a whole new collection, bringing together the fifth year of the award-winning webcomic series! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll . . . well I don't want to be presumptuous. Most likely you will feel emotions of some kind, unless perhaps you are a psychopath. Are you a psychopath?"I am not a psychopath." --Tiger Arbelt"He's kind of a psychopath." --Marvin Arbelt"Literally everybody is crazy except for me." --Zach Arbelt"I don't like this author's fixation on psychopathy. Some of us ain't bad people! I mean, I soitainly am, but that don't mean I appreciate being stereotyped." --Yeltsin"No comment. No, that doesn't mean you can print 'no comment' as a joke, either. It's stupid and played out." --Rock Milton"This book is a real steal." --"Four Finger Discount" Jack the Wolf




Housepets! Don't Ask Questions


Book Description

Housepets! Don't Ask Questions is the seventh collection of the award-winning webcomic! Learn what a heaven's for, take a vacation in Australia, learn how to be a wolf or Flip That Den, and more! "It is a collection of absolute perfection, at least the version of this located in heaven." - Cerberus"KNEEL BEFORE KRINGLE!" - Peanut, with a paper bag on his head"This is the one where I really get my comeuppance! I mean, my time in the limelight?" - Bino




Once I Ate a Pie


Book Description

Gus herds his people like sheep. Abby loves borrowing slippers. And once, Mr. Beefy ate a pie. It's a dog's life. Filled with squeaky toys, mischief, and plenty of naps. Every dog has a tail to wag and a tale to tell. Patricia MacLachlan and Emily MacLachlan Charest asked this collection of canines to speak up with their own words, barks, and yips.