Once Upon an Effing Time


Book Description

A quirky, thrilling, darkly-funny page-turner that explores the fuzzy lines between sanity and insanity, magic and reality, love and duty. It’s 1969. An eight-year-old girl, Elizabeth Squire, has a choice to make: to be disabled by the circumstances of her own botched birth or to become extraordinary. In Buffy Cram’s captivating new novel, Elizabeth narrates the story of her childhood in the late sixties, describing how she came to be at a Vancouver halfway house at the age of nineteen. Once Upon an Effing Time chronicles the sometime-exploitative relationship between Elizabeth and Margaret, her mother, and the bizarre and criminal misadventures they have after running away from Ontario’s cheese belt and their “Big Sad Story.” Attempting to bond with her neglectful mother, Elizabeth learns to adopt personas and live multiple lives, transforms into a fortune teller named MeMe who speaks primarily in Bob Dylan lyrics, and joins an American hippie doomsday cult. Elizabeth’s life is fragmented between ordinary childhood pleasures and indulging her mother’s conspiracy theories about the upcoming moon landing by hiding pamphlets in New York City public library books. Throughout, Buffy Cram weaves humour and heartbreak together to form an engaging narrative about cults—the cult of family, the cult of counterculture, the cult of Rock n’ Roll—and the role of story within those cults.




Large Garbage


Book Description

In the surreal world of Buffy Cram’s stories, someone or something has slipped beneath the skins of her already beleaguered characters, rearranging the familiar into something strange and even sinister, making off with their emotional and even physical goods. In Large Garbage: A Radio Belly Single, a smug suburbanite becomes obsessed with the "hybrids," the wandering mob of intellectual vagrants overrunning his complacent little cul de sac, snacking on pate and reciting poetry. Equally repelled by the hybrids' uncleanliness and intrigued by their freedom, Henry draws dangerously close to their secret nighttime life of sloshing claret and Proust quotes that overflow from finger-printed wine glasses and dirt-smudged lips. As the LA Times wrote: this "'new breed of homelessness'...cleverly envisions an alternative to the ever-widening circle of consumption that defines us now."




Once Upon a Time in Hollywood


Book Description

Quentin Tarantino’s long-awaited first work of fiction—at once hilarious, delicious and brutal—is the always surprising, sometimes shocking, novelization of his Academy Award winning film. RICK DALTON—Once he had his own TV series, but now Rick’s a washed-up villain-of-the week drowning his sorrows in whiskey sours. Will a phone call from Rome save his fate or seal it? CLIFF BOOTH—Rick’s stunt double, and the most infamous man on any movie set because he’s the only one there who might have got away with murder. . . . SHARON TATE—She left Texas to chase a movie-star dream, and found it. Sharon’s salad days are now spent on Cielo Drive, high in the Hollywood Hills. CHARLES MANSON—The ex-con’s got a bunch of zonked-out hippies thinking he’s their spiritual leader, but he’d trade it all to be a rock ‘n’ roll star.




Henry and Violet


Book Description

Henry and Violet finally have a chance to be alone. Granted, it's on a school field trip, but with some clever planning and strategic maneuvering, they can orchestrate their own adventure in New York City, a fairytale land in its own right. While they search for a treasured item that once belonged to Violet's father, they are met with obstacles they could never have predicted. What they thought would be a romantic getaway ends up being a true test of their relationship. The question remains: Are they destined for a happily ever after?




Once Upon a Time in Vegas: All the Pretty Girls


Book Description

As South Las Vegas Community College is prepared for demolition, three of its faculty members fight to keep the school open long enough to graduate one last class of students. But nothing is ever what it seems in the Nevada desert. Soon, the down-on-their-luck, lovable-but-misguided rogues are stumbling their way through casinos and gentlemen's clubs, as they attempt to save ALL the women of Las Vegas from pirates, ghosts, and angry club owners. Along the way, maybe they'll even find the treasure that's buried somewhere on campus. Without digging up the dead bodies.




Once Upon a Time in the East


Book Description

Isaan. Northeast Thailand. The furthest reaches of Old Siam. No coastline; no glistening lengths of powdery white sand; no Pad Thai-obsessed tourists; no touts; no taxis; no beggars; no hedonistic nights of extreme debauchery. Nothing. Just a whole lot of jungle. During a visit to Bangkok, I once saw a rack of t-shirts proclaiming that ‘good guys go to heaven and bad guys go to Pattaya’. Nothing for Isaan though. After all, who wants to walk around with ‘the clinically stupid’ emblazoned across their chest? I first visited Northeast Thailand in my late twenties. Initially I was appalled by the lack of, well, anything. For a chap hailing from suburban London it felt like I’d alighted into a particularly tedious episode of the Archers. However, the people, the fauna, and indeed the flora, made this impromptu sabbatical a quite extraordinary experience. The stories on the following pages are an account of my years spent in hot and sticky rural Siam.




Darwin's Bastards


Book Description

Social satire, fabulist tales and darkly humorous dystopian visions by some of Canada's most adventurous and distinguished writers. The 23 stories in Darwin's Bastards take us on a twisted, wild ride into some future times and parallel universes where characters as diverse as a dead boy, a one-legged international actuarial forensics specialist, a pharmaceutical guinea pig, and a far-sighted fetus engage in their own games of the survival of the fittest. The collection includes the first new short story by William Gibson to be published since 1997, as well as original, previously unpublished fiction by Lee Henderson, Timothy Taylor, Heather O'Neill, Mark Anthony Jarman, and others. From recent Trillium Award-winner Pasha Malla's hilarious take on the apocalypse, where Prince is the only man left alive, to newcomer Matthew J. Trafford's brilliant triptych about the fallout from the cloning of Jesus Christ, to iconoclast Sheila Heti's meditative romp about beleaguered physicists and Oracle of Delphi-like BlackBerrys, Darwin's Bastards is a fast-moving, thought-provoking reading extravaganza.




Once Upon a Cliche


Book Description

Detached and ignored for most of her life, Brayla Sullivan is the awkward, ugly duckling destined for spinsterhood who's never been kissed, never gone anywhere beyond the small town she was born and raised in. When she starts corresponding with a man from a "Meet Exotic Singles" website and he suggests they meet, she drops everything to fly to him in a last-ditch effort to find her happily-ever-after. The only son in a family of daughters, Shaun Levi, Peaceful's Chief of Police, has never looked the part of a dashing hero. Whenever he'd opened his mouth, his sisters had spoken for him or over him, and now any attempts at conversation with the opposite sex lead him to either a loss for words or making a mess that's ensured he'll stay a bachelor for life. Brayla has been nothing more than a buddy he's known all his life. But, when a kiss between them on a particularly lonesome New Year's takes a turn for the what-have-we-done?, he sees a side to his old friend he never anticipated...and the consequences may just leave him without a friend or a prayer of convincing her they could share so much more. Brayla's poorly-conceived plan to meet Mr. Right veers from point A to Z to F and every-sad-where in-between, leaving her hopelessly lost and desperate for someone to rescue her. Everything she expects to happen falls through while the unexpected may turn into everything she's ever dreamed of...or all she's dreaded. On the rocky road to happily-ever-after, who knows what can happen?




Once Upon A Cliche, A Peaceful Pilgrim Novel


Book Description

Detached and ignored for most of her life, Brayla Sullivan is the awkward, ugly duckling destined for spinsterhood who's never been kissed, never gone anywhere beyond the small town she was born and raised in. When she starts corresponding with a man from a ""Meet Exotic Singles"" website and he suggests they meet, she drops everything to fly to him in a last-ditch effort to find her happily-ever-after. The only son in a family of daughters, Shaun Levi, Peaceful's Chief of Police, has never looked the part of a dashing hero. Brayla has been nothing more than a buddy he's known all his life. But, when a kiss between them on New Year's takes a turn for the what-have-we-done?, he sees a side to his old friend he never anticipated?and the consequences may just leave him without a friend or a prayer of convincing her they could share so much more. What follows is a series of unfortunate events in which everything goes wrong?




Once Upon a Mentor


Book Description

A stalker who refuses to reveal his identity, a crush who refuses to take me seriously, a friend-slash-mentor who doesn't talk about anything except work... Zoya is confused. She is getting older, nearing the 'unmarriageable' age. It doesn't not help that she sort of likes someone, and someone sort of likes her. And, then, the pandemic strikes, making it all the more complex. Onit is confuse. Her mother wants him to marry and he is waiting for the right time to propose to the girl he loved since he was a young boy. And, then, the pandemic strikes, making it all the more complex. A contemporary love triangle short story - Zoya, Onir and Time. *** "Once Upon a Mentor" is second in my “Once Upon a Time” series – a series of is a series of standalone, clean and wholesome, sweet and fuzzy romantic stories with people from one story popping up in another as a guest appearance of sorts. The stories can be read in any order. I do not dig cliff hangers nor can I write one. For better experience, read them in order, will you? ***