Book Description

This historic book may have numerous typos and missing text. Purchasers can usually download a free scanned copy of the original book (without typos) from the publisher. Not indexed. Not illustrated. 1906 edition. Excerpt: ...luck, We only succeeded in getting a photograph of the cannibal that ate her. Young Minister (disgusted)--I preached to a congregation of asses today. Church Member--I noticed that you called them your dear brothers." "Is that my umbrella you have?" "Most likely. Just bought it in a pawnshop." "Dennis, I'm told ye was the best man at Mike's marriage." "The same is a lie," answered Dennis, "but bejabers, I was as good as anny man was there." A COMPLETE GIVE-AWAY. A W Y E R--Y o u say, madame, that you have been a true and loving wife? Witness--I have, sir, as God is my witness. And you have spared no effort to retain the love and esteem of your husband? I have done everything I could to make him love me, and he knows it. Ahem. Madame, who gets up and makes the fire these cold mornings? He--he--does. Ah, indeed; then don't you think your statement that you had made every possible effort to retain your husband's love and esteem a little premature, eh? HE WORKED THE B083. A little man with a bald head and an inoffensive blue eye drifted into a Main street saloon and threw a half dollar on the bar. "Gimme a schooner of beer," he said. The schooner was given him. Just as he was about to drink it a big man came in and said: "Hello, Shorty. Who's buying?" "I am," replied Shorty, with dignity. "You," scoffed the big man. "Why, you never had a cent in your life. Your wife gets your wages." "That's all right," said Shorty. "Mebbe she does, but I've got money today." "How'dyouget it?" "Well," replied Shorty, "I don't know as I mind tellin. I had a couple of bad teeth', an she gimme enough to get them...