Sh*t My Kids Ruined


Book Description

A pictorial tribute to the filthy, distasteful, gross, and painful moments of parenthood, and the children who make it all possible. Kids: they are the light of your life—and the enemy of all things fragile, intact, and clean. But why cry over spilt milk . . . or paint . . . or the entire contents of a full-size swimming pool? A testament to the messiness of childhood (and parenting), and a memorial to the household items that perished along the way, here are never-before-seen photos and outrageous stories of VCRs jammed with toys, toilets clogged with clothes, and furniture accented with permanent marker. Torn-up computer keyboards and torn-out hair, botched family photos and mustard-covered treadmills—nothing is off limits to your darling, destructive offspring. So raise a broken glass and embrace the madness, because laughter is the only surefire way to keep your sh*t together.




How to Ruin Your Children's Lives


Book Description

Men may be from Mars and women from Venus, but the alien known as teenager comes from a place way beyond those two. What else would account for that incredible transformation from loving child to the hostile creature who wants zilch to do with dear old Mom and Dad? How to Ruin Your Children's Lives is a survival manual for enduring this transmutation and-with a little luck-maintaining enough sanity to one day hear those longed-for words, Hey, I guess you weren't so stupid after all.Purple hair? Belly rings? Bizarre musical tastes? Not a problem as long as readers have How to Ruin Your Children's Lives' nearly 300 tips and tactics close at hand. With resident teenagers slamming doors and screaming at the top of their lungs, Mom! You're ruining my life! parents should at least make certain they're handling the job with aplomb.Consider these tips: o Call them at their friend's house to ask if they want lasagna for dinner.o Ask them about girlfriends (or boyfriends) in front of relatives.o Tell them about the time you streaked when you were in college.o Sing old Beatles songs when their friends are in the car.o Dress like Christina Aguilera.Author Mary McHugh is right on target. She shows parents how to match attitude with attitude and how to carry on whether the teen-parent subject is sex, using the family car, grades, or curfews. This book's perfect for any parent in the trenches and for empty nesters trying to stem their tears.




My Mom Is Trying to Ruin My Life


Book Description

Everyone has only nice things to say about my mom. Everyone likes her. She looks nice. She bakes great cookies and makes me feel better when I have a bad day. But would a really nice mom do embarrassing things like kiss me in public and tell loud jokes that no one thinks are funny? Well, my mom does those terrible things and worse - that's why I am sure that I have the most embarrassing mom in the world and that my mom is trying to ruin my life... Or is she?




My Day is Ruined!


Book Description

When Braden wakes up to pouring rain that cancels a championship baseball game he's been excited for, he goes on a overreactin tailspin! Will he be able to recover and practice the tips of flexible thinking? Find out in this comical story.




One Good Turtle


Book Description

"Turtle hides while Alligator lashes out. What insecurities are they dealing with, and what lessons can Turtle and Alligator learn in order to face and conquer their fears? In this inspiring story about a shy turtle and a frightening alligator, the complex issue of bullying is addressed in an easy-to-understand manner for kids and adults alike. As bullying becomes more prevalent in today's world, One Good Turtle empowers every parent, teacher, counselor, and child to practice kindness through its memorable cast of characters and uplifting message. One Good Turtle is a heroic tale about overcoming the struggles of being bullied and discovering what makes you uniquely special. "




Frumpy Middle-Aged Mom


Book Description

Never mind the Real Housewives of Orange County—Marla Jo Fisher is the woman everyone can relate to, complete with bad parenting, rotten dogs, ill health, and fashion faux pas. For nearly two decades, in the Orange County Register and many syndicated papers, readers have delighted in Marla Jo’s subversive humor, cranky intellect, and huge heart on her journey through broke, single, after-40 motherhood, when she adopted Cheetah Boy and Curly Girl, to her oddball adventures around the globe, to the sublime ridiculousness of life next door. Even while facing a devastating diagnosis, Fisher teaches us that humor is the balm that eases and the very thing that binds us together.




My Child and Other Mistakes


Book Description

font size="+1"A Sunday Times bestseller: the unflinching, raw and utterly hilarious book about parenthood that everyone should read 'Very, very, very funny' JO BRAND 'Bloody hilarious' CARIAD LLOYD 'Full of honesty, heart and humour' JASON MANFORD 'Raw, honest and hilarious' ROSIE RAMSAY 'Refreshingly honest' ROMESH RANGANATHAN 'Consistently funny and life affirming' JOSH WIDDICOMBE 'I want my daughters to read this book' SINDHU VEE My Child and Other Mistakes is the honest lowdown on Motherhood and all its grisly delights, asking the questions no one wants to admit to asking themselves - do I want a child? Do I have a favourite? Do I wish I hadn't had one and spent the money on a kitchen island instead? Stand-up comic, broadcaster and actress Ellie Taylor is relatable, clever and interested in how women can have it all. Her honest, hilarious and moving account of the whys and hows of having a baby makes perfect reading for expectant mothers and fathers everywhere, as well as those who've been there, done that, and wonder how on earth they did. In this very funny book she writes candidly about her own personal experience exploring the decision to have a baby when she doesn't even like them, the importance of cheese during pregnancy, why she took hair straighteners to the labour ward, plus the apocalyptic newborn days, childcare, work and the inevitable impact on life and love and most importantly, her breasts. READERS ARE LOVING MY CHILD AND OTHER MISTAKES ***** 'Should be given out by health visitors to new moms' ***** 'It's like Ellie dove into my brain and wrote about my own personal experience of motherhood' ***** 'The comfort I took knowing I'm not alone has been like therapy!' ***** 'I have recommended it to all my child raising friends.' ***** 'An absolute must read'




Rumble Fish


Book Description

From the author of The Outsiders: This novel about two brothers in a tough world “packs a punch that will leave readers of any age reeling” (School Library Journal). An ALA Best Book for Young Adults A School Library Journal Best Book of the Year Rusty-James wants to be just like his big brother Motorcycle Boy—tough enough to be respected by everyone in the neighborhood. But Motorcycle Boy is also smart, so smart that Rusty-James relies on him to bail him out of trouble. The brothers are inseparable, and Motorcycle Boy will always be there to watch his back, so there's nothing to worry about, right? Or so Rusty-James believes, until his world falls apart and Motorcycle Boy isn't there to pick up the pieces. An edgy, emotional portrait of a troubled kid trying to navigate the chaotic world around him, Rumble Fish was made into a film by Francis Ford Coppola and has become a modern classic praised by School Library Journal as “stylistically superb” and beloved by multiple generations of readers. “Hinton knows how to plunge us right into [Rusty-James’s] dead-end mentality—his inability to verbalize much of anything, to come to grips with his anger about his alcoholic father and the mother who deserted him, even his distance from his own feelings.”—Kirkus Reviews




Children of the Dust Bowl: The True Story of the School at Weedpatch Camp


Book Description

Illus. with photographs from the Dust Bowl era. This true story took place at the emergency farm-labor camp immortalized in Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath. Ostracized as "dumb Okies," the children of Dust Bowl migrant laborers went without school--until Superintendent Leo Hart and 50 Okie kids built their own school in a nearby field.




If I Ran the Zoo


Book Description

Gerald tells of the very unusual animals he would add to the zoo, if he were in charge.