The Old Jewish Men's Guide to Eating, Sleeping, and Futzing Around


Book Description

From the viral social media account @oldjewishmen comes a hilarious and irresistible guide and perfect gift for every OJM and the people who put up with him Here is a humorous, surprisingly stylish, and crotchety celebration of a most fascinating group of fellas: Old Jewish Men. In this essential guide, readers learn how to eat, dress, get around town, and schmooze like a seasoned OJM. Ever wonder why Old Jewish Men eat so much cottage cheese and melon? If Larry David and Bernie Sanders have the same barber? Who is the next great up-and-coming OJM? (NOTE: You don’t need to be old, Jewish, or a man—it’s a lifestyle.) Plus, there’s helpful jargon, detailed deli and coffee shop rundowns, and the ten OJM archetypes, from New York Schlubs to Tough Guys to Grumpy Intellectuals. A perfect gift for any Jewish dad/granddad/uncle/brother or anybody who likes a healthy shmear of classic Jewish humor, the book is full of hilarious full-color illustrations and chapters including: How to Exist in This Fakakta World; The Art of the Schmooze; How to Live Forever; and King of the Temple.




Free-Range Chickens


Book Description

After a riotous debut collection, Ant Farm, Simon Rich returns to mine more comedy from our hopelessly terrifying world. In the nostalgic opening chapter, Rich recalls his fear of the Tooth Fairy (“Is there a face fairy?”) and his initial reaction to the “Got-your-nose” game (“Please just kill me. Better to die than to live the rest of my life as a monster”). He gets inside the heads of two firehouse Dalmatians who can’t understand their masters’ compulsion to drive off to horrible fires every day (“What the hell is wrong with these people?”). And in the final chapter, he tackles one of life’s biggest questions: Does God really have a plan for us? Yes, it turns out. Now if only He could remember what it was. . . .




Jewish as a Second Language


Book Description

In this completely revised, updated, and expanded second edition of "Jewish as a Second Language," Katz shows how to worry, interrupt, and say the opposite of what one means.




How to Raise a Jewish Dog


Book Description

From the authors of the bestselling Yiddish with Dick and Jane and Yiddish with George and Laura, this essential "guide" is sure to be a complete howl. Questions to Ask a Breeder: 1. What kind of job is this, growing dogs? 2. Are these dogs nice? I mean of course they are. But if not, is this refundable? 3. Is this a stable business? Do you make a decent living? 4. Does the insurance kill you or is it okay? 5. Dogs are animals, does this mean you qualify for some kind of Federal ranch subsidies? 6. What do I say to people who want to know how I can spend $1500 and up on a dog when there are so many dogs to be rescued from the pound? The (make-believe) Rabbis of the (fictional) Boca Raton Theological Seminary have developed the essential dog training program for raising a Jewish dog. For the first time, the same dynamic blend of passive-aggressiveness and smothering indulgence, that unique alloy of infantilization and disingenuous manipulation that created generations of high-achieving Jewish boys and girls, can be applied to create a generation of high-achieving Jewish doggies.