The Onion Presents: Christmas Exposed


Book Description

100+ funny Christmas stories about secret Santas, dysfunctional families, epic blizzards, and much more—all from the pages of America’s finest (satirical) news source. Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without impulse-priced holiday gift books—and now The Onion has unleashed its award-winning team of investigative journalists upon the genre. Featuring entertaining illustrations and over 100 shocking holiday stories, Christmas Exposed is the perfect gift book for smart alecks everywhere.




The Onion Presents: Christmas Exposed


Book Description

Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without impulse-priced holiday gift books—and now The Onion has unleashed its award-winning team of investigative journalists upon the genre. Christmas Exposed features more than one hundred shocking tales of Secret Santas, shopping mall mayhem, dysfunctional family dinners, and much, much more.




The Onion Book of Known Knowledge


Book Description

Are you a witless cretin with no reason to live? Would you like to know more about every piece of knowledge ever? Do you have cash? Then congratulations, because just in time for the death of the print industry as we know it comes the final book ever published, and the only one you will ever need: The Onion's compendium of all things known. Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood, and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information -- such as the life stages of an Aunt; places to kill one's self in Utica, New York; and the dimensions of a female bucket, or "pail." With hundreds of entries for all 27 letters of the alphabet, The Onion Book of Known Knowledge must be purchased immediately to avoid the sting of eternal ignorance.




The Onion Ad Nauseam


Book Description

An anthology encompassing hundreds of articles from September 2000 through September 2001 includes "No Jennifer Lopez News Today" and such post-September 11 works as "Hijackers Surprised to Find Selves in Hell."




Our Dumb Century


Book Description

The Onion has quickly become the world's most popular humor publication, misinforming half a million readers a week with one-of-a-kind social satire both in print (on newsstands nationwide) and online from its remote office in Madison, Wisconsin. Witness the march of history as Editor-in-Chief Scott Dikkers and The Onion's award-winning writing staff present the twentieth century like you've never seen it before.




Welcome to JesusLand!


Book Description

In the sacred and honorable tradition of The Onion comes a hilarious and outrageous collection of "church newsletters" that gleefully skewer America's religious right. The Godly ministers at Landover Baptist Church (Guaranteeing Salvation Since 1612!) have been sending out their newsletters for years, helping save those headed for damnation from falling into the devil's clutches. Making sure that no Christian is left behind, and that all non-believers burn in Hell, Pastor Deacon Fred and his band of merry white preachers share such righteous wisdom as "How children can win a Playstation 3 by accepting Jesus Christ as their personal savior" and "How to prevent Santa from turning Macy's into Neverland Ranch." Complete with Bible Quizzes, Sacrilegious Sidebars, and mug shots of America's damned, WELCOME TO JESUSLAND! is sure to become a classic of religious and political humor-while cleansing heathens from the Earth (or at least from those pesky Blue States).




Quotes Every Man Should Know


Book Description

This pocket-size gift book is a thinking man's arsenal of quotes, quips, and comebacks filled with wit, insight, and genius. Perfect for the guy who knows everything and wants the words to match! This little book offers in-depth investigations into "who said what," counterquotes for common clichés, and tips for citing sayings without sounding stupid. Never be at a loss for words again! Includes quotes from: · Aristotle · Abraham Lincoln · Nelson Mandela · George Carlin · And more!




Insults Every Man Should Know


Book Description

A pocket-sized gift book guide to the best hard-hitting insults for every occasion. This handy little book is packed with insulting gestures, backhanded compliments, comebacks, all the things you should never say about someone's mama, and much more! Including: • Insulting Someone’s Intelligence • Insulting Someone’s Sexual Prowess • Insults for the Office • Insults on Game Day • Insults throughout History • Insults from around the World




The Trump Leaks


Book Description

The Onion, the nation's sole beacon of truth in an era besieged by darkness and lies, has fearlessly published hundreds of classified documents obtained from an anonymous whistleblower deep within the Trump White House. From top secret national security briefings hand-colored in crayon by President Trump, to encrypted e-mails sent by Kremlin operatives, to Vice President Pence's impure thoughts about the Morton Salt girl, the earth-shattering revelations contained within The Trump Leaks are all but certain to topple the president and alter the very arc of global history. With this soon-to-be Pulitzer-winning work of investigative reportage, America's Finest News Source has selflessly provided the world with its first and only glimpse inside the hidden workings and tortured minds of the Trump Administration.




Our Dumb World


Book Description

OUR DUMB WORLD is the world's most comprehensive fake atlas: a repository of all known information about the planet Earth (except where covered by clouds). In late 2007 the hardcover edition became one of the hottest books of the holiday season, entertaining and offending hundreds of thousands of readers around the globe. This new, easy-to-carry paperback edition is perfect for the intrepid traveler to any of the world's exotic locales--from Afghanistan, "Allah's Cat Box," to Ukraine, "the Bridebasket of Europe," to the USA's own Nevada, "Where Everyone's a Loser." Packed with beautiful full-color maps and framed with inaccurate essays about all the world's peoples and places, OUR DUMB WORLD is a gut-busting send-up in which no nation escapes unscathed. "Bottom line: laughed my head off." --Deirdre Donahue, USA Today