Bathroom Book of Canadian Quotes


Book Description

We all love to have that perfect phrase for that perfect moment. As Goldwyn Smith once said, Nothing can stand against a really resolute quoter. Find some of the greatest, funniest and most memorable words spoken by Canadians in this easy-to-use collection. - I just am a Canadian. It is not a thing which you can escape from. It is like having blue eyes. -Robertson Davies - What we do should have a Canadian character. Nobody looks his best in somebody else's clothes. -Vincent Massey - The beginning of Canadian cultural nationalism was not Am I really that oppressed? but Am I really that boring? -Margaret Atwood - Most Americans don't understand Canadian political parties. Neither do most Canadians. -Eric Nicol - Where Canadians got the monotone that you're listening to now I don't know - probably from the Canada goose. -Northrup Frye - I didn't know at first that there were two languages in Canada. I just thought that there was one way to speak to my father and another to speak to my mother. -Louis St. Laurent - Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain. -Pierre Trudeau - Hudson's Bay is certainly a country that Sinbad the Sailor never saw, as he makes no mention of mosquitoes. -David Thompson - The Americans are our best friends whether we like it or not. -Robert Thomson - If some countries have too much history, we have too much geography. -William Lyon MacKenzie King. And many more...




Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Weird Canada


Book Description

The Great White North is revealed as the Great Weird North in this entertaining tome from the best-selling Bathroom Reader series. Did you know that Canada was almost called Hochelaga? That’s just one of thousands of wacky facts awaiting readers in Uncle John’s quirky celebration of Earth’s second largest country. You’ll find page after page of bizarre history (like why the beaver was once classified as a fish), plus head-scratching news items (like the crook who returned to the Tim Hortons he’d just robbed to tip the workers), odd places to go (like Mr. Spock’s birthplace in a town called Vulcan), and crazy eats (like the restaurant that makes you eat in complete darkness). So whether you live in Come By Chance, Joe Batt’s Arm, Starvation Cove, or anywhere else inside (or outside) of Canada, yukon count on Uncle John to deliver a world of weirdness from all over this great country. For example: - Cow-patty bingo in Alberta (Rule #1: Wear gloves) - How to enforce the new Quebec law that requires dogs to be bilingual - The sea of Molson Golden that once shut down an Ontario freeway - The mystery of the mini earthquakes in a New Brunswick town - Why it’s illegal to kill a sasquatch in British Columbia - The Nova Scotia company that makes mattresses for cows - Saskatchewan’s Willow Bunch Giant, a real man who could lift a horse over his head - The giant fiberglass “Happy Rock” statue in--where else?--Gladstone, Manitoba And much, much more!




Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Colossal Collection of Quotable Quotes


Book Description

You’ll never be at a loss for words again with this inspired collection of quotes, from bona fide wits to bona fide dimwits. Bob Hope once said, "I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance--waiting for the bathroom." No doubt, lots of people will be learning to tango and foxtrot while they wait for the rabid readers of Uncle John’s Colossal Collection of Quotable Quotes to emerge from the privy. The Bathroom Readers’ Institute searched high and low for the wittiest, wisest and stupidest things ever said, and collected these remarks in one remarkable volume. With more than 4,000 quotations from 1,600 speakers and writers--from bona fide wits like Oscar Wilde and David Letterman, to bona fide dimwits like Britney Spears (who infamously quipped, "I go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.")--there’s no other book of quotations quite like this one.




Please Don't Do Coke in the Bathroom


Book Description

Need to tell your boss to f*ck off? Express your sentiments with beautiful hand-lettering! Includes 25 irreverent hand-lettered signs with favorites like "Your Spirit Animal is an A$$hole."




Uncle John's Bathroom Reader: Extraordinary Book of Facts and Bizarre Information


Book Description

From cannibals to conspiracy theories to the origin stories of candy, a compendium of thousands of fun facts to read behind closed doors! Our readers asked for it, and here it is: Uncle John’s first collection of his greatest short facts and quick reading material. Open up to any page of Extraordinary Book of Facts and you might find a list of, say, obscure words (“exocannibals” eat enemies; “indocannibals” eat friends). Flip to another page and there’s a whole bunch of facts about how long things take (a yak’s gestation period: 258 days). On another page: kid facts (the average four-year-old laughs 400 times per day; grownups, about fifteen). Get smarter and laugh a lot more with this amazing collection that features thousands of great facts, plus word origins, myth-conceptions, conspiracy theories, and much, much more. Arranged for simple and speedy reference, this book is the perfect companion for trivia buffs and knowledge junkies everywhere!




Thank You for Coming to Hattiesburg


Book Description

“With this charming, sardonic debut, stand up comedian and actor Todd Barry makes readers laugh as hard as the audiences at his shows” (Publishers Weekly) in this hilarious book of travel essays from his time on tour in the US, Canada, and Israel. Hello. It’s Todd Barry. Yes, the massively famous comedian. I have billions of fans all over the world, so I do my fair share of touring. While I love doing shows in the big cities (New York, Philadelphia), I also enjoy a good secondary market (Ithaca, Bethlehem). Performing in these smaller places can be great because not all entertainers stop there on tour; they don’t expect to see you. They’re appreciative. They say things like “Thank you for coming to Hattiesburg” as much as they say “Nice show.” And almost every town has their version of a hipster coffee shop, so I can get in my comfort zone. My original plan was to book one secondary market show in all fifty states, in about a year, but that idea was funnier than anything in my act. So, instead of all fifty states in a year, my agent booked multiple shows in a lot of states, plus Israel and Canada. Thank You for Coming to Hattiesburg is part tour diary, part travel guide, and part memoir (Yes, memoir. Just like the thing presidents and former child stars get to write). Follow me on my journey of small clubs, and the occasional big amphitheater. Watch me make a promoter clean the dressing room toilet in Connecticut, see me stare at beached turtles in Maui, and see how I react when Lars from Metallica shows up to see me at a rec center in Northern California. I’d love to tell you more, but I need to go book a flight to Evansville, Indiana.




Uncle John's Book of Fun Bathroom Reader for Kids Only!


Book Description

All the looniest, wackiest, zaniest grossest jokes, games, puzzles and pranks a kid could ever want in one fun book! Uncle John is back with another For Kids Only masterpiece! Book of Fun is stuffed with wacky facts, gross-out jokes, goofy games, magic tricks, puzzling puzzles, and hilarious pranks. Easy-to-read stories and gags are brought to life with silly illustrations and fun fonts (which research suggests actually help kids build reading and comprehension skills). A sample of the fun to be had: * How to make your own whoopee cushion * Simple calculator tricks to amaze your friends * Classic riddles and mind-boggling brain teasers * Tongue twisters and word games * One-minute mysteries * Silly science tricks * Optical illusions * Lots of jokes . . . like this one: Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? A: Because they have big fingers. And much, much more!




The Bible Bathroom Book


Book Description

WHAT A BOOK! Just think -- you are only minutes away from learning more about the Bible. This simple-to-read collection of factoids is the perfect solution to finding the time necessary to be better "Bible-informed." Short snippets of facts let you speed through the information in just minutes, while you learn pertinent and valuable biblical lessons. Fascinating trivia, inspirational quotes, definitions, and unique lists fill the pages of this book specially designed with you, the modern, busy reader, in mind. Discover God's wisdom while you breeze through this illuminating compilation of Bible truths. Chapters include: • Great People Talk About the Greatest Book • Was Jesus Really Born of a Virgin? • I Didn't Say It, God Did • Why So Many Translations? • The Da Vinci Error Bless your own heart. Share your new knowledge with friends. Be encouraged!




Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Plunges into Canada, Eh


Book Description

PGW Uncle John's taking the plunge . . . into the Great White North! Raincoast Hey, Canada! Uncle John salutes you! For 25 years, Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader has been wildly popular in Canada, so we decided to dedicate an entire edition to our friends in the Great White North--even though much of the continental U.S. is north of Canada’s southernmost point. That misconception--and a whole lot more--is revealed in this loving ode to a friendly nation with a colorful history and some of the most beautiful scenery in the world. Whether you’re a true Canuck, or just always wanted to be one, Yukon count on us to deliver great bathroom reading! Read about… * Stealing the Stanley Cup (literally) * The origins of Tim Hortons and Kraft dinners * Jellied moose nose and other Canadian delicacies * Move over Napa: the story of Canadian “ice wine” * The government’s secret official UFO division * Canada’s homegrown rock ’n’ roll bands * All about those dam beavers * The answer to Canada’s most burning question: Does Santa Claus really have his own postal code? And much, much more!




Uncle John's Awesome 35th Anniversary Bathroom Reader


Book Description

The 35th annual edition of Uncle John’s compendium features entertaining, informative, and amusing real-life stories from around the world. This 35th anniversary edition of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader is bursting with everything you could possibly want to read in the throne room, including short articles for a quick trip and lengthier page-turners for an extended visit. Uncle John and his team at the Bathroom Readers’ Institute have once again gathered the most entertaining and amusing stories from the realms of pop culture, history, science, and sports (not to mention accounts of even more dumb crooks!) for your reading pleasure. In addition, there are plenty of laugh-out-loud lists, amusing quotes, and odd factoids that will delight the most ardent of trivia fans.