Don't Kill Santa!


Book Description

The author draws on his southern roots and the storytelling tradition to present a humorous collection of tales about celebrating the Christmas season as a child.




Who Killed Santa?


Book Description

Synopsis: In this hilarious and irreverent send-up, Santa is hosting his annual holiday party attended by the usual holiday favorties: Frosty, Tiny Tim, The Little Drummer Boy, and Rudolph, who all have a bone to pick with Santa. After the introduction of the sexy new Little Drummer Girl, tempers flare, and Santa ends up with a candy cane through the heart. No one will confess, no one can leave, and Christmas is in jeopardy. As the tension builds, a couple of incompetent detectives enter the scene, and all the dirty secrets of these iconic holiday characters are revealed. Eventually, with the help of the audience, the murderer is convicted and sentenced. * The show features parodies of holiday songs and four different endings. Cast Size: 3 Males, 2 Females, 1 Either




LOL at the GOP - Volume 3: Guns Don't Kill, Cars Don't Drive, and Ovens Don't Bake


Book Description

This just in - two volumes of political satire poking fun at the Republican Party is not nearly enough. At the rate the GOP is going, 222 volumes may not be enough. That brings us to LOL at the GOP - Volume 3: Guns Don't Kill, Cars Don't Drive, and Ovens Don't Bake. In it, author Craig Rozniecki answers the following questions: Are spoons, credit cards, & ping-pong balls as dangerous as guns? Do guns, churches, breakfasts, & library books have so much in common they may match one another on EHarmony.com? Is it more deadly to shoot fictional characters with a toy gun in a video game than it is to shoot people with an actual gun in real life? Also, with this book, learn all about: Why it's more moral for former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford to cheat on his wife than it is for a gay couple to get married, why conserving the environment is such a turn-off for conservatives, & what House Speaker John Boehner's favorite three-word phrase is (surprisingly it's not "I love orange!" or "Crying is sexy!").




Time Trials


Book Description

THE EVENTS OF EARTH'S PAST MAY HOLD THE KEY TO EARTH'S SALVATION IN THE FUTURE Marty Cohen was a gifted linguist and student of ancient military strategy who stepped away from academic Egyptology and opened a woodworking shop. Away from the bitter politics and petty rivalries, he’s happy to take care of his people, play the occasional war game, and try to make a good life. He discovers mysterious visions rob him of sleep, and then he gets summoned back to Egypt: an off-the-grid dig funded by an eccentric financier has discovered texts that may be the earliest Egypt has produced, and they’ll pay Marty silly amounts of cash just to fly out and take one little look. Marty turned his back on the academia game, but he’s a small business owner who has to make payroll, and he can’t say no to the money. But the texts open doors to more visions and to an astonishing journey: the ragtag team of archaeologists finds itself in protohistoric North Africa, a drying land dominated by horrors, where humanity is badly in need of champions. And behind the war against the fearsome overlords lies a greater struggle: Marty and his team have been chosen to be champions of all Earth and to run a gauntlet on humanity’s behalf. Failure will mean extinction. At the publisher's request, this title is sold without DRM (Digital Rights Management). Praise for Time Trials: “This highly enjoyable novel by Rothman and Butler is full of nonstop action, bits of science, mystery, humor, and enough Ancient Egypt trivia to satisfy any history enthusiast. The quest narrative and the Dungeons & Dragons-style team structure recall familiar fantasy tropes, but the authors manage to develop the characters well, giving each of them their own distinct arcs and it results in a tale that’s well worth reading. The overarching mystery keeps the pages turning in an adventure tale that refreshingly shows respect for ancient civilizations and their accomplishments. An entertaining first entry in what promises to be a fantastic time-travel series.” —Kirkus




Impact Aid Reform Act of 1970


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Hearings


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Santa's Treat


Book Description

Everything goes downhill the second Santa starts eating my cake... Being as broke as I am, I can barely afford the ingredients for my signature Christmas cake, but I scrape together every last penny I own to make it happen. The man who hired me is an illustrious playboy with many rich friends—some of them will probably want to buy my baked goods after tasting my cake at his expensive Christmas fundraiser. Everything goes according to plan until I find Santa in the kitchen, his mouth full of my cake. And that's not the worst thing Santa does that night... This is a dark romance novella with a sweet happy ending. Expect a bossy hero taking what he wants from the woman of his dreams, and a fierce baker standing her ground. Please note that "Santa's Treat" was previously published under the title "Santa's Pretty Secret" in the USA Today Bestselling Anthology "Secret Santa."




The Mark Twain Christmas Special


Book Description

e-artnow presents the Mark Twain Christmas collection with the greatest stories author dedicated to this most beloved holiday season, including his most famous novels and tales: _x000D_ Letter from Santa Claus_x000D_ The Million Pound Bank Note_x000D_ The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County_x000D_ Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven_x000D_ The Stolen White Elephant_x000D_ The Story of the Bad Little Boy_x000D_ My Platonic Sweetheart_x000D_ A Ghost Story_x000D_ The Five Boons of Life_x000D_ A Fable_x000D_ A Dog's Tale_x000D_ The Adventures of Tom Sawyer_x000D_ The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn