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I Heart My Little A-Holes

Author : Karen Alpert

Publisher : Harper Collins

Page : 249 pages

File Size : 48,96 MB

Release : 2014-04-08

Category : Family & Relationships

ISBN : 0062341618

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Book Description

Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.



I Want My Epidural Back

Author : Karen Alpert

Publisher : HarperCollins

Page : 219 pages

File Size : 26,79 MB

Release : 2016-04-05

Category : Family & Relationships

ISBN : 0062427091

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Book Description

Now that I’m a mom, I know the most painful part isn’t getting something giant through your hooha. It’s having a real live child. If you are the kind of mom who shapes your kiddo’s organic quinoa into reproductions of the Mona Lisa, do not read this book. If you stayed up past midnight to create posters for your PTO presidential campaign, do not read this book. If you look down your nose at parents who have Domino’s pizza on speed dial, do not read this book. But if you are the kind of parent who accidentally goes ballistic on your rugrats every morning because they won’t put their shoes on and then you feel super guilty about it all day so you take them to McDonald’s for a special treat but really it’s because you opened up your freezer and panicked because you forgot to buy more frozen pizzas, then absolutely read this book. I Want My Epidural Back is a celebration of mediocre parents and how awesome they are and how their kids love them just as much as children with perfect parents. Karen Alpert’s honest but hilarious observations, stories, quips and pictures will have you nodding your head and peeing in your pants. Or on the toilet if you’re smart and read it there.



Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be A-Holes

Author : Karen Alpert

Publisher : HarperCollins

Page : 276 pages

File Size : 30,48 MB

Release : 2021-04-27

Category : Family & Relationships

ISBN : 0358346266

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Book Description

Do you ever feel like you’re failing miserably at parenting? Do your kids keep acting like douchenuggets no matter what you do? Then this book is for you. From the creator of Baby Sideburns and I Heart My Little A-Holes (and the creator of two kids who once were little a-holes but are slowly turning into awesome human beings), Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be A-Holes is a hilariously honest parenting guide written by a regular mom who doesn’t always know WTF she’s doing. Just like you. Featuring side-splittingly funny pictures, stories, and chapters like: You Are Not Your Kiddo's Servant​ Picasso's Mom Didn't Tell Him to Draw the Eyes in the Right Place Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But Words Will Cost Thousands in Therapy If They Say "I Hate You," Then You're Probably Doing It Right Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be A-Holes will make you laugh, cry, laugh until you cry, and feel like you’re having coffee (and a little sumpin' in it) with a best friend who has some of the answers to THE hardest job on earth: parenting. And maybe, just maybe, it might help you get the a-hole out of your kids* *not a guarantee



The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting

Author : Ilana Wiles

Publisher : Abrams

Page : 662 pages

File Size : 41,76 MB

Release : 2016-09-27

Category : Family & Relationships

ISBN : 1613123280

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Book Description

From the creator of the popular blog Mommy Shorts comes a “hilarious and comforting” look at real-world motherhood (New York Times bestselling author, Jill Smokler). Ilana Wiles is not a particularly good mother. She’s not a particularly bad mother either. Like most of us, she’s somewhere in between. And she has some surprisingly good advice about navigating life as an imperfect parent. In this witty and loving homage to the every-parent, Wiles suggests that they having the best child-rearing experience of all. Using Wiles’s signature infographics and photographs to illustrate her personal and hilarious essays on motherhood, The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting is an honest book that celebrates the fun of being a mom.



Toddlers Are A**holes

Author : Bunmi Laditan

Publisher : Workman Publishing

Page : 177 pages

File Size : 13,98 MB

Release : 2015-04-07

Category : Humor

ISBN : 076118564X

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Book Description

Toddler a**holery is a normal part of human development—not unlike puberty, except this stage involves throwing food on the floor and taking swings at people who pay your way in life. For parents of toddlers, it's a "you better laugh so you don't cry" period. Bunmi Laditan's hilarious, satirical guide to toddlerhood offers parents instant (and very welcome) comic relief—along with the very good news that "It's Not Your Fault." Chapters cover the cost of raising a toddler, feeding your toddler, potty-training, tantrums, how to manage the holidays, and "how not to die inside." Parents will see themselves in the very funny sections on taking your toddler to restaurants ("One parent will spend their time walking your toddler around the restaurant and outside like a cocker spaniel, while the other, luckier parent will eat alone."), Things You Thought You'd Never Say That You Now Say As a Parent of a Toddler ("I can tell you're pooping because your eyes are watering."), and how to order pizza ("Spend $40 on pizza delivery. Listen to your toddler cry for 30 minutes about how the pizza is all wrong. Watch your toddler take a small bite of crust. Google 'can anger give you a heart attack?' Start the bedtime routine."). Laditan's wildly funny voice has attracted hundreds of thousands of fans of Honest Toddler on social media; here she speaks parent-to-tired-parent, easing the pains and challenges of raising toddlers with a hefty dose of adult humor and wit.



My Heart and Other Black Holes

Author : Jasmine Warga

Publisher : Harper Collins

Page : 177 pages

File Size : 45,6 MB

Release : 2015-02-10

Category : Young Adult Fiction

ISBN : 0062324691

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Book Description

A stunning novel about the transformative power of love, perfect for fans of 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher. Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness. There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution—Roman, a teenage boy who’s haunted by a family tragedy, is looking for a partner. Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together.



Small Steps

Author : Louis Sachar

Publisher : A&C Black

Page : 269 pages

File Size : 18,80 MB

Release : 2010-12-06

Category : Juvenile Fiction

ISBN : 1408818051

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Book Description

Armpit and X-Ray are living in Austin, Texas. It is three years since they left the confines of Camp Green Lake Detention Centre and Armpit is taking small steps to turn his life around. He is working for a landscape gardener because he is good at digging holes, he is going to school and he is enjoying his first proper romance, but is he going to be able to stay out of trouble when there is so much building up against him? In this exciting novel, Armpit is joined by many vibrant new characters, and is learning what it takes to stay on course, and that doing the right thing is never the wrong choice.



Moms Who Drink and Swear

Author : Nicole Knepper

Publisher : Penguin

Page : 337 pages

File Size : 47,73 MB

Release : 2013-04-02

Category : Biography & Autobiography

ISBN : 110165094X

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Book Description

If you feel like your kids are killing you, you’ve come to the right place. This irreverant, hilarious guide to the trials of motherhood makes the perfect gift for mom—or any woman with a huge heart and a mouth that sometimes needs washing out with soap. Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts. Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, “Moms Who Drink and Swear,” this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.



Stay-at-Work Mom

Author : Liz Astrof

Publisher : Simon and Schuster

Page : 280 pages

File Size : 12,78 MB

Release : 2019-07-30

Category : Humor

ISBN : 1982106972

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Book Description

“The parenting genre is never going to be the same” (Jancee Dunn, author of How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids) after this candid and hilarious collection of essays on motherhood from the award-winning television comedy writer and producer of 2 Broke Girls and The King of Queens, who swears she loves her kids—when she’s not hiding from them. Some women feel that motherhood is a calling and their purpose on earth. They somehow manage to make pregnancy look effortless, bring out the beauty in a screaming child, and keep the back seat of their cars as spotless as their kitchens. And then there are women like Liz Astrof—who originally had children because “everyone else was.” In this blunt and side-splittingly funny book of essays (previously published as Don’t Wait Up), Liz Astrof embraces the realities of motherhood (and womanhood) that no one ever talks about: like needing to hide from your kids in your closet, your car, or a yoga class on the other side of town, letting them eat candy for dinner because you just can’t deal, to the sheer terror of failing them or at the very least losing them in a mall. And sometimes, many times, wondering if the whole parenting thing wasn’t for you. Perfect for fans of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened and I Heart My Little A-Holes, Stay-At-Work Mom is a soul-baring and honest look at parenting and relationships for moms who realize that motherhood doesn’t have to be your entire life—just an amazing part of it.



The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Author : Eric Carle

Publisher : Penguin

Page : 30 pages

File Size : 15,63 MB

Release : 2016-11-22

Category : Juvenile Fiction

ISBN : 1524739553

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Book Description

The all-time classic picture book, from generation to generation, sold somewhere in the world every 30 seconds! Have you shared it with a child or grandchild in your life? For the first time, Eric Carle’s The Very Hungry Caterpillar is now available in e-book format, perfect for storytime anywhere. As an added bonus, it includes read-aloud audio of Eric Carle reading his classic story. This fine audio production pairs perfectly with the classic story, and it makes for a fantastic new way to encounter this famous, famished caterpillar.