Santa's Little Helper


Book Description

There's a flashing Santa on the loose. Cue shudder. No one wants to see that guy jingling his bells. Since I’m currently on my boss's naughty list, I’ve been sent undercover as an elf to track this wayward Mr Claus down. This means right before Christmas, I must reunite with my greatest enemy: retail. Meanwhile, I also need to find presents that don't suck for all my friends and family. And speaking of family, there's one more thing that's adding to the stress of this season… The investigation into my brother's disappearance has been reopened. There is not enough brandy in all the puddings in the world to make this holiday merry...




Santa's Thirty-Five-Year Sleigh Ride


Book Description

The title of my book, Santa's Thirty-Five Year Sleigh Ride: Memoirs of a Professional Career as Santa Claus, states the basic summary of my book and alerts the reader of what to expect. It contains many of my favorite memories (memoirs) of my career as a professional Santa Claus over the past thirty-five years. To me, children are special, and they deserve to be happy. At first contact, I have no idea of their background or their circumstances. I just do my best to make them feel like the most important person in the world. The few minutes they have with me (as Santa Claus) might very well be the only time during the entire year that they feel special, important, and loved. My memoirs are full of interesting stories, sad stories and true tales of surprising adventures and events in the life of a modern-day Santa Claus. Since I love humor, and I think that most people do, I have included my most memorable stories that are memorable because of the humor involved. And perhaps some of my favorite memories will become some of yours as well. Maybe you have wondered what a Santa Claus does, what experience he has had, or why he became a Santa Claus in the first place. Perhaps you have wondered what credentials he has to have or what type of personality he needs to be a great and convincing Santa Claus. If so, my book will be of great interest and value to you. I, as Santa, have had many, many precious moments with children; I have had both funny and sad moments that may bring you to tears. I've smiled, I've laughed, and I've cried. You will too. And if you've ever wondered what it would be like to be a Santa Claus and make a child smile by just being there...my book will help you to understand. And finally, if you have ever considered actually donning the red suit and portraying the 'Jolly Old Elf' yourself, my book may very well push you over the top.




The Adventures of Sir Romeo Beau


Book Description

Sir Romeo Beau is a sweet and special basset hound service-work doggie. It’s time for him and his granny to visit Santa Claus at his magical mall workshop. While helping Santa with the long line of kids, Sir Romeo Beau gets the chance to make some special requests of his own on behalf of all service dogs. But most extraordinary of all, Santa invites Sir Romeo Beau on a special trip. The service dog works hard to prepare his family for the journey, because that’s his job. Santa treats Sir Romeo Beau and other important service dogs to a magical holiday experience. A picture book for children with unique rhythms and charm, The Adventures of Sir Romeo Beau: How I Became Santa’s Helper entertains while teaching about the important role officially trained service-work dogs play in the world.




Song Of Silver Lake


Book Description

Song of Silver Lake, Book 1 "Ruth" A young woman, searching a way out of an abusive home in Seattle agreed to become the surrogate mother to a wealthy, childless couple. A change of heart compelled the woman to keep the infant and escape to Silver Lake, Idaho. Still, six years later, racked with consuming guilt over her monetary theft, and fearful of the legal reprisals of abducting her own child, the young mother resigned herself to being a fugitive the rest of her life. Then she met the truck driver, Clay. Song of Silver Lake, Book 2 "Audrey" Frustrated with her life as a single, 28 year old woman, Audrey joined a Christian online dating service in Silver Lake, Idaho. Using the e-name Flower Girl, she met White Knight. White Knight was the man she'd been looking for like forever! He shared her religious and family values and, when Audrey poured out her heart, he seemed to listen with all of his heart. "I love you, White Knight." Audrey met another man, Dan Echo, a clerk at the local Ace Hardware. Everything went wrong when she needed to buy a simple chair bolt for her broken desk chair. Poorly versed in hardware terminology, Audrey tried describing the bolt which only confused Dan. "Ma'am, sounds like you really need a nipple. Does your bolt have male or female threads?" Audrey concluded that Dan Echo was crude, rude, and condescending. She learned later that Dan Echo was pastor of a small church and suspected he had a problem with pornography. Dan Echo was definitely bad news. Best to steer clear. Audrey and Dan didn't know that Flower Girl and White Knight were the same persons. Song of Silver Lake, Book 3 "Grace" 17 year old Grace only knew one profession, prostitution. Her mother, Veronica, taught her well. After Veronica was arrested on drug charges, Grace, and her 21 year old mentally retarded sister, Fanny, were taken to the Pocatello Juvenile Dependent Unit. Fearful the authorities would split up the sisters, they escaped to Silver Lake, Idaho. Hiding in their grandparents abandoned travel trailer at the lake, Grace provided for her and Fanny by soliciting drivers at the truck stop. "Hi, like some company?" Providence changed the sister's lives forever when Grace knocked on Clay's truck.




Normal Instructor


Book Description










Lost at Sea


Book Description

The New York Times–bestselling author of The Psychopath Test, Jon Ronson writes about the dark, uncanny sides of humanity with clarity and humor. Lost at Sea reveals how deep our collective craziness lies, even in the most mundane circumstances. Ronson investigates the strange things we’re willing to believe in, from lifelike robots programmed with our loved ones’ personalities to indigo children to hypersuccessful spiritual healers to the Insane Clown Posse’s juggalo fans. He looks at ordinary lives that take on extraordinary perspectives, for instance a pop singer whose life’s greatest passion is the coming alien invasion, and the scientist designated to greet those aliens when they arrive. Ronson throws himself into the stories—in a tour de force piece, he splits himself into multiple Ronsons (Happy, Paul, and Titch, among others) to get to the bottom of credit card companies’ predatory tactics and the murky, fabulously wealthy companies behind those tactics. Amateur nuclear physicists, assisted-suicide practitioners, the town of North Pole, Alaska’s Christmas-induced high school mass-murder plot: Ronson explores all these tales with a sense of higher purpose and universality, and suddenly, mid-read, they are stories not about the fringe of society or about people far removed from our own experience, but about all of us. Incisive and hilarious, poignant and maddening, revealing and disturbing—Ronson writes about our modern world, the foibles of contemporary culture, and the chaos that lies at the edge of our daily lives.




Santa Claus Confidential


Book Description

Hilarious, true stories from a professional Santa Claus! For the past twenty-five years, Kevin Neary has lived a double life. He even went as far as wearing a disguise and altering his appearance. Yes, it is true that during this time, he played the role of Santa Claus for a local department store. In Santa Claus Confidential, Neary describes his experiences working as Santa and the interactions with the clever children he encountered. Some of the many hilarious topics he discusses include: Why Santa never introduces new reindeer to his crew. How Santa can enter the home when it has no chimney. Whether Santa’s sleigh has safety belts. How long Santa and Mrs. Claus have been married. And many others! The perfect Christmas gift, Neary’s delightful tales are bound to get you feeling the holiday spirit!




Through the Eyes of Santa


Book Description

Sixteen hilarious and sometimes heartbreaking stories told by one of Santa's most experienced helpers. Robert Goodman's career as one of Santa's most devoted helpers began oddly enough in Vietnam, where he was ordered to put on the velvet suit for the first time. The experience was so gratifying for him and those he came in contact with, that the experience began a lifelong commitment. People of all ages will enjoy this tribute to the hundreds of thousands of Santa's helpers that put on the suit every year.