Retail Hell


Book Description

From Act I: "I think you left these behind," I said, handing them to her. This happens all the time when women try to return bags they've used. Tampons, lipstick, coins, Tic Tacs, and condoms are the top treasures found. "Greasy" let out a sigh as if I were the problem. "I really don't see what the problem is here. It's none of your business what I keep in my handbag." It is when my commission is at stake! I'm not your Designer Handbag Rental Service! My name is not BagBorrowOrSteal.com! This is a place Freeman Hall, a twenty-year veteran "on the floor," knows well. While delivering side-splitting stories alongside brutally cynical commentary, Freeman recounts his most shocking experiences in Retail Hell. From the time he was attacked by a customer's four-year-old, who grabbed onto his leg like a poodle and wouldn't let go, to the day he found the fitting room walls covered in s**t, Freeman has seen and heard (smelled and felt) it all! Horrifying and hilarious, this behind-the-scenes look at what really goes on at the Big Fancy Stores is rollicking, ready-to-wear wisdom for readers everywhere.




Malled


Book Description

One woman's midcareer misadventures in the absurd world of American retail. After losing her job as a journalist and the security of a good salary, Caitlin Kelly was hard up for cash. When she saw that The North Face-an upscale outdoor clothing company-was hiring at her local mall, she went for an interview almost on a whim. Suddenly she found herself, middle-aged and mid-career, thrown headfirst into the bizarre alternate reality of the American mall: a world of low-wage workers selling overpriced goods to well-to-do customers. At first, Kelly found her part-time job fun and reaffirming, a way to maintain her sanity and sense of self-worth. But she describes how the unexpected physical pressures, the unreasonable dictates of a remote corporate bureaucracy, and the dead-end career path eventually took their toll. As she struggled through more than two years at the mall, despite surgeries, customer abuse, and corporate inanity, Kelly gained a deeper understanding of the plight of the retail worker. In the tradition of Nickel and Dimed, Malled challenges our assumptions about the world of retail, documenting one woman's struggle to find meaningful work in a broken system.




Return to the Big Fancy


Book Description

Bigger, Fancier, and more cutthorat than ever! When Freeman Hall left The Big Fancy to pursue his screenwriting dreams, he thought the horrors of working in a handbag department were finally over. But instead of fame and fortune, he found himself stuck behind a wall of script-killing rewrites, unable to make a living. In Return to the Big Fancy, Freeman shares his wildly entertaining journey back through the fiery gates of Retail Hell. He thought he had seen it all in his day, but with the bar set higher than ever before, employees are now graciously bowing before Corporate as they climb over fellow salespeople, and even friends, to earn enough transactions and commissions to actually survive. As he learns more of the wretchedness that has befallen the sales floor, he realizes that The Big Fancy has its customers and its employees on a short leash. But leave it to Freeman and the threat of disappearing commissions to rally the retail slaves and show Corporate who's really in charge!




Our Valued Customers


Book Description

While working for several years in a comic book store, MRTIM started drawing the more memorable customers and the things that they said. Based on the blog of the same name, and featuring popular entries as well as brand-new cartoons, Our Valued Customers chronicles the lively, witty, and often acerbic opinions and comments of the customers who shop at comic book stores, providing a fascinating glimpse into the inner world of the devoted comic book fan.




Pretending You Care


Book Description

Ah, retail. It has lured in the best of us with promises of employee discounts (a sham), the "fun" of working with people (not so much), and flexible hours (dont make me laugh). What we got instead: cranky customers, sadistic managers, idiotic coworkers, and, oh yeah, the hell that is doing inventory. But there are ways to lessen the pain, and this retail handbook will show you how. Inside youll learn how to handle the crazies (both customers and coworkers), feign product knowledge, and make the best of working the register, all the while, of course, pretending you care. This book takes years of retail experience and condenses it into a guide that is as funny as it is useful. If you work in retail now, have done so in the past, or plan to do so in the future: this is the book for you.




Rebel Bookseller


Book Description

The revival of independent bookselling has already begun and is one of the amazing stories of our times. Bookseller Andy Laties wrote the first edition of Rebel Bookseller six years ago, hoping it would spark a movement. Now, with this second edition, Laties’s book can be a rallying cry for everyone who wants to better understand how the rise of the big bookstore chains led irrevocably to their decline, and how even in the face of electronic readers from three of America’s largest and most successful companies—Apple, Amazon, and Google—the movement to support locally owned independent stores, especially bookstores, is on the rise. From the mid-1980s to the present, Andy Laties has been an independent bookseller, starting out in Chicago, teaching along the way at the American Booksellers Association, and finally running the bookshop at the Eric Carle Museum in Amherst, Massachusetts. His innovations were adapted by Barnes & Noble, Zany Brainy, and scores of independent stores. In Rebel Bookseller, Laties tells how he got started, how he kept going, and why he believes independent bookselling has a great future. He alternates his narrative with short anecdotes, interludes between the chapters that give his credo as a bookseller. Along the way, he explains the growth of the chains, and throws in a treasure trove of tips for anyone who is considering opening up a bookstore. Rebel Bookseller is a must read for those in the book biz, a testament to the ingeniousness of one man man’s story of making a life out of his passionate commitment to books and bookselling.




Rant of a Retailer


Book Description

Rant of a Retailer outlines the true-life adventures of Macy May Marcus, a seasoned department store manager, complete with insane customers, worse employees, and one horrendous boss. This is a non-fiction humor book on the trials and the (mild) triumphs of working in retail. According to The Wall Street Journal, roughly one of every 10 Americans is employed in the retail sector. This means 30 million of you readers will be able to relate to Macy's stories of agonized fitting room explosions and the horrors of the holidays. All stories are 100% true: every crazy, silly, disastrous, bumbling, lunatic story comes straight from the linoleum-covered racetrack of a major big-box retail store. With Chapters like, "Crazy Customers Make It All Worthwhile", "Returns, or Seriously? You're Really Returning This?", or "Loss Prevention, or Don't Steal! (But if You Do, You Won't Get Caught)", plus a bonus chapter on how to actually get what you want from bored, burnt-out, unmotivated retail employees. This is a laugh-out-loud, must-have manual for anyone who works - or shops - retail!




The Retail Revival


Book Description

Traditional retail is becoming increasingly volatile and challenged as a business model. Brick-and-mortar has shifted to online, while online is shifting into pop-up storefronts. Virtual stores in subway platforms and airports are offering new levels of convenience for harried commuters. High Street and Main Street are becoming the stuff of nostalgia. The Big Box is losing ground to new models that attract consumers through their most-trusted assistant—the smartphone. What’s next? What’s the future for you—a retailer—who is witnessing a tsunami of change and not knowing if this means grasping ahold of new opportunity or being swept away? The Retail Revival answers these questions by looking into the not-so-distant retail past and by looking forward into a future that will continue to redefine retail and its enormous effect on society and our economies. Massive demographic and economic shifts, as well as historic levels of technological and media disruption, are turning this once predictable industry—where “average” was king—into a sea of turbulent change, leaving consumer behavior permanently altered. Doug Stephens, internationally renowned consumer futurist, examines the key seismic shifts in the market that have even companies like Walmart and Procter & Gamble scrambling to cope, and explores the current and future trends that will completely change the way we shop. The Retail Revival provides no-nonsense clarity on the realities of a completely new retail marketplace— realities that are driving many industry executives to despair. But the future need not be dark. Stephens offers hope and guidance for any businesses eager to capitalize on these historic shifts and thrive. Entertaining and thought-provoking, The Retail Revival makes sense of a brave new era of consumer behavior in which everything we thought we knew about retail is being completely reimagined. Praise for The Retail Revival “It doesn’t matter what type of retail you do—if you sell something, somewhere, you need to read Doug Stephens’ The Retail Revival. Packed with powerful insights on the changing retail environment and what good retailers should be thinking about now, The Retail Revival is easy to read, well-organized and provides essential food for thought.” — Gregg Saretsky, President and CEO, WestJet “This book captures in sharp detail the deep and unprecedented changes driving new consumer behaviors and values. More importantly, it offers clear guidance to brands and retailers seeking to adapt and evolve to meet entirely new market imperatives for success.” —John Gerzema, Author of Spend Shift and The Athena Doctrine “The Retail Revival is a critical read for all marketing professionals who are trying to figure out what’s next in retail… Doug Stephens does a great job of explaining why retail has evolved the way it has, and the book serves as an important, trusted guide to where it’s headed next. ” —Joe Lampertius SVP, Shopper Marketing, Momentum Worldwide and Owner, La Spezia Flavor Market “Doug Stephens has proven his right to the moniker ‘Retail Prophet.’ With careful analysis and ample examples, the author makes a compelling case for retailers to adapt, change and consequently revive their connection with consumers. Stephens presents actionable recommendations with optimism and enthusiasm—just the spoonful of sugar we need to face the necessary changes ahead.” —Kit Yarrow, Ph.D., Consumer Psychologist; Professor, Golden Gate University; Co-Author, Gen BuY: How Tweens, Teens and Twenty-Somethings are Revolutionizing Retail “Doug Stephens doesn’t just tell you why retail is in the doldrums, he tells you why retail is a major signpost for the larger troubles of our culture and provides a compelling, inspiring vision for a future of retail—and business, and society.” —Eric Garland, author of Future Inc.: How Businesses Can Anticipate and Profit from What’s Next




Little Monster Hell


Book Description

There is no wrath like a Hellspawn scorned . . . They scream. They cry. And they’re worse then just miniature versions of their entitled, rude, and too-often crazy parents. They’re Hellspawn. These child terrors didn’t get their name for being cute. They have ransacked stores, turned on their parents, and tried to get employees fired. And the retail slaves that suffer their tantrums are tired of keeping quiet. In these 43 hilarious-and-true stories from RetailHellUnderground.com bloggers, little monsters like Pee Boy, Pony Girl, and the Little Ice Cream Devils give kids everywhere a bad name. But when Mouthy gets his smart-alecky due and the Screamer is offered an exorcism, you’ll find yourself rooting for the Underground heroes in no time!




Discount Hell


Book Description

These Discount Rats want more than sales To Discount Rats, the world should be free . . . and retail slaves are to blame when it isn’t. These crazy customers show up with purses full of coupons and intend to leave with enough swag to impress a thief. They’ll negotiate, scream, complain, and threaten - so long as the sale is in sight! These 33 hilarious-and-true stories of penny-pinchers and stingy shoppers are straight from the bloggers of RetailHellUnderground - and boy do they have some history with these misers! From the Meal Voucher Rat who needs an amusement park escort to find the right restaurant to the Credit Rat who gets a black mark in the customer database, these denied bargain hunters will have you in stitches!