Revenge of the Spaghetti Hoops


Book Description

'Mark Lowery is far too funny' Jonathan Meres, author of THE WORLD OF NORM The fifth book in the hilarious and anarchic ROMAN GARSTANG ADVENTURE series It's the end of term for Roman - the last week ever of primary school, in fact. And in what should be an unremarkable, tying-things-up kind of week, Roman's class get the opposite - a very special visitor. One Jason Grooves - ex-pupil turned mega-famous singer. Jason is back at school to film his new reality TV show - Jason: Grooving on to the Next Chapter. He's got big plans, and he wants Roman and all the class to get in with the action. Filming, proms, auditions, charity gigs and the launch of his brand-new food lines, including some very special spaghetti hoops ... All Roman Garstang wants is a quiet life. But is he going to get one? You bet not ...




The Jam Doughnut That Ruined My Life


Book Description

A jam-fuelled week of disaster is set in motion by a single doughnut! Roman Garstang is obsessed with food - particularly Squidgy Splodge raspberry-jam doughnuts - but he is about to learn that things are not always as sugar-coated as they might seem. Because of his Monday-morning jam doughnut, Roman's week takes a very sticky turn . . . By Friday Roman has been banned from eating for 24hrs, narrowly avoided a faceful of warm toddler-wee, accidentally shoplifted, been given a lift in a getaway van, styled his teacher's guinea pig with a blue mohawk, started an OAP riot . . . and still barely managed to scoff a crumb - or lick - of a single doughnut. Who knew jam could be so deadly?




The Chicken Nugget Ambush


Book Description

An outdoor adventure trip is one thing, but can Roman Garstang survive a chicken nugget-only diet? Roman Garstang is all set for his class trip to Farm View outdoor survival centre. There are only three issues: 1. With Darren Gamble as his new 'BFF' how can Roman make friends with funny, cool girl Vanya? 2. Roman will be sharing a tent with Kevin (AKA 'The Pukelear Missile') for THREE DAYS 3. Mum has prescribed a strict chicken nugget-only diet (Seriously?!) It's time to put his new survival skills to the test . . .




Attack of the Woolly Jumper


Book Description

Mark Lowery is far too funny - Jonathan Meres, author of THE WORLD OF NORM Roman endures a royal visit and a school fashion show - in a jumper knitted by his Grandma . . . Grandma has come to stay for the royal visit by Princess Lucy to launch her new badger charity, 'Badges for Badgers'. Which would be fine, if she hadn't knitted Roman the crummiest jumper (AKA "crumper") on earth that he's forced to wear to school. His whole class is in a fundraising frenzy, led by fame-crazy Rosie Taylor who is convinced that organising a charity fashion show is bound to win her favour with the princess. And in a bid of fierce cruelty she has sponsored Roman to wear his crumper ALL WEEK, even after Gamble tries to flush it down the toilet. When the jumper causes a swan attack and a biker to swerve off the road, can Roman keep his whole life from unravelling? A new side-splitting story in the Roman Garstang Disaster series.




The Great Caravan Catastrophe


Book Description

'Mark Lowery is far too funny' Jonathan Meres, author of THE WORLD OF NORM The fourth book in the hilarious and anarchic ROMAN GARSTANG ADVENTURE series Incredibly, unbelievably, Roman's cousin is marrying the cousin of Rosie Taylor (AKA The Worst Person Who Ever Lived) cousin. Roman can't believe this (as Rosie says: "How can we be in the same family, we're barely in the same species"). Rosie's parents decide they should go along together and "make a weekend of it". Roman's plus one is his best friend Gamble (probably the naughtiest kid in Europe) - and it's the beginning of another big, messy, catastrophic and uproarious adventure for Roman - with Winnebagos, illegal thrash metal festivals and campsite beauty contests all thrown into the mix ...




The Mighty Mince Pie Massacre


Book Description

'Mark Lowery is far too funny' Jonathan Meres, author of THE WORLD OF NORM The sixth book in the hilarious and anarchic ROMAN GARSTANG ADVENTURE series It is the month before Christmas, and Roman's class is preparing for the Christmas fete and the school pantomime. The new teacher at the helm - the awful Mr Le Salle, a flamboyant, theatrical and downright nasty piece of work - is the least of Roman's worries. He also has to contend with the most rubbish role in the panto (being a box) as well as organising the Santa's grotto stall at the Christmas fete with loose cannon Darren Gamble. As the panto nears, it seems that everything that could possibly go wrong is about to. It is left to Roman to save the panto and the day ...




The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster


Book Description

Can I get a “ramen” from the congregation?! Behold the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM), today’s fastest growing carbohydrate-based religion. According to church founder Bobby Henderson, the universe and all life within it were created by a mystical and divine being: the Flying Spaghetti Monster. What drives the FSM’ s devout followers, a.k.a. Pastafarians? Some say it’s the assuring touch from the FSM’s “noodly appendage.” Then there are those who love the worship service, which is conducted in pirate talk and attended by congregants in dashing buccaneer garb. Still others are drawn to the Church’s flimsy moral standards, religious holidays every Friday, or the fact that Pastafarian heaven is way cooler: Does your heaven have a Stripper Factory and a Beer Volcano? Intelligent Design has finally met its match—and it has nothing to do with apes or the Olive Garden of Eden. Within these pages, Bobby Henderson outlines the true facts– dispelling such malicious myths as evolution (“only a theory”), science (“only a lot of theories”), and whether we’re really descended from apes (fact: Humans share 95 percent of their DNA with chimpanzees, but they share 99.9 percent with pirates!) See what impressively credentialed top scientists have to say: “If Intelligent Design is taught in schools, equal time should be given to the FSM theory and the non-FSM theory.” –Professor Douglas Shaw, Ph.D. “Do not be hypocritical. Allow equal time for other alternative ‘theories’ like FSMism, which is by far the tastier choice.” –J. Simon, Ph.D. “In my scientific opinion, when comparing the two theories, FSM theory seems to be more valid than classic ID theory.” –Afshin Beheshti, Ph.D. Read the book and decide for yourself!




Lightning Girl 3: Secret Supervillain


Book Description

The third laugh-out-loud, high-voltage adventure from superstar ALESHA DIXON in collaboration with Katy Birchall Aurora Beam is a SUPER ANNOYED SUPERHERO. She's desperate to help her mum and grandma track down the stolen precious stone that holds the key to her family's powers, but they're insisting she sit this one out. There's a DANGEROUS SUPERVILLAIN on the loose and not even Lightning Girl and the Bright Sparks may be a match for him or her. Worried that whoever has the stone will destroy it and flick the switch off on her powers for ever, Aurora refuses to hide at home and stay safe. What can she discover about master-of-disguise the Blackout Burglar? And about his boss, the secret supervillain with a deep-seated desire for revenge... Laughs on every page and fantastically funny art throughout.




Charlie and Me


Book Description

Thirteen-year-old Martin and his younger brother Charlie are on a very special journey. They're going to be travelling 421 miles all the way from Preston to the very tip of Cornwall. By train, bus and taxi, they are determined to get there in the end; and they're hoping to catch a glimpse of the dolphin that regularly visits the harbour there. But is that the only reason they are going? It's a journey that's full of challenges and surprises. Martin adores his brother Charlie but he's not like ordinary kids. He's one in a million. He was born far too early, and ought to have died. And cheeky, irrepressible, utterly unique Charlie is always keeping Martin on his toes - especially on this crazy trip they are now on. Martin is doing his best to be a good big brother, but it's hard when there's something so huge coming once they get to Cornwall ... An unforgettable novel that is by turns funny and heartbreaking.




Brooke the Photographer Fairy


Book Description

Rachel and Kirsty must find Brooke's magic camera or everyone's picture will be a big blur.