Sh*t My Kids Ruined


Book Description

A pictorial tribute to the filthy, distasteful, gross, and painful moments of parenthood, and the children who make it all possible. Kids: they are the light of your life—and the enemy of all things fragile, intact, and clean. But why cry over spilt milk . . . or paint . . . or the entire contents of a full-size swimming pool? A testament to the messiness of childhood (and parenting), and a memorial to the household items that perished along the way, here are never-before-seen photos and outrageous stories of VCRs jammed with toys, toilets clogged with clothes, and furniture accented with permanent marker. Torn-up computer keyboards and torn-out hair, botched family photos and mustard-covered treadmills—nothing is off limits to your darling, destructive offspring. So raise a broken glass and embrace the madness, because laughter is the only surefire way to keep your sh*t together.




How to Ruin Your Children's Lives


Book Description

Men may be from Mars and women from Venus, but the alien known as teenager comes from a place way beyond those two. What else would account for that incredible transformation from loving child to the hostile creature who wants zilch to do with dear old Mom and Dad? How to Ruin Your Children's Lives is a survival manual for enduring this transmutation and-with a little luck-maintaining enough sanity to one day hear those longed-for words, Hey, I guess you weren't so stupid after all.Purple hair? Belly rings? Bizarre musical tastes? Not a problem as long as readers have How to Ruin Your Children's Lives' nearly 300 tips and tactics close at hand. With resident teenagers slamming doors and screaming at the top of their lungs, Mom! You're ruining my life! parents should at least make certain they're handling the job with aplomb.Consider these tips: o Call them at their friend's house to ask if they want lasagna for dinner.o Ask them about girlfriends (or boyfriends) in front of relatives.o Tell them about the time you streaked when you were in college.o Sing old Beatles songs when their friends are in the car.o Dress like Christina Aguilera.Author Mary McHugh is right on target. She shows parents how to match attitude with attitude and how to carry on whether the teen-parent subject is sex, using the family car, grades, or curfews. This book's perfect for any parent in the trenches and for empty nesters trying to stem their tears.




Fiction Ruined My Family


Book Description

"Beautifully paced . . . heartbreaking and hilarious."—USA Today Augusten Burroughs meets Mary Karr: a deeply funny and wickedly entertaining family memoir. The youngest of four daughters in an old, celebrated St. Louis family-- of prominent journalists and politicians on one side, debutantes and equestrians on the other-- Jeanne Darst grew up hearing stories of past grandeur. And the message she internalized as a young girl was clear: While things might be a bit tight for us right now, it’s only temporary. Soon her father would sell the Great American Novel and reclaim the family’s former glory. The Darsts move from St. Louis to New York, and Jeanne’s father writes one novel, then another, which don’t find publishers. This, combined with her mother’s burgeoning alcoholism, lead to financial disaster and divorce. And as Jeanne becomes an adult, she is horrified to discover that she is not only a drinker like her mother, but a writer like her father. At first, and for years, she embraces both activities— and until she can stop putting drinking and writing ahead of everything else, it’s a questionable choice. Ultimately, Darst sets out to discover whether a person can have the writing without the ruin, whether it’s possible to be both sober and creative, ambitious and happy, a professional author and a parent. Filled with brilliantly flawed, idiosyncratic characters and punctuated by Darst’s irreverent eye for absurdity, Fiction Ruined My Family is a lovingly told, wickedly funny portrait of an unconventional life.




My Day is Ruined!


Book Description

When Braden wakes up to pouring rain that cancels a championship baseball game he's been excited for, he goes on a overreactin tailspin! Will he be able to recover and practice the tips of flexible thinking? Find out in this comical story.




My Mom Is Trying to Ruin My Life


Book Description

Everyone has only nice things to say about my mom. Everyone likes her. She looks nice. She bakes great cookies and makes me feel better when I have a bad day. But would a really nice mom do embarrassing things like kiss me in public and tell loud jokes that no one thinks are funny? Well, my mom does those terrible things and worse - that's why I am sure that I have the most embarrassing mom in the world and that my mom is trying to ruin my life... Or is she?




One Good Turtle


Book Description

"Turtle hides while Alligator lashes out. What insecurities are they dealing with, and what lessons can Turtle and Alligator learn in order to face and conquer their fears? In this inspiring story about a shy turtle and a frightening alligator, the complex issue of bullying is addressed in an easy-to-understand manner for kids and adults alike. As bullying becomes more prevalent in today's world, One Good Turtle empowers every parent, teacher, counselor, and child to practice kindness through its memorable cast of characters and uplifting message. One Good Turtle is a heroic tale about overcoming the struggles of being bullied and discovering what makes you uniquely special. "




Frumpy Middle-Aged Mom


Book Description

Never mind the Real Housewives of Orange County—Marla Jo Fisher is the woman everyone can relate to, complete with bad parenting, rotten dogs, ill health, and fashion faux pas. For nearly two decades, in the Orange County Register and many syndicated papers, readers have delighted in Marla Jo’s subversive humor, cranky intellect, and huge heart on her journey through broke, single, after-40 motherhood, when she adopted Cheetah Boy and Curly Girl, to her oddball adventures around the globe, to the sublime ridiculousness of life next door. Even while facing a devastating diagnosis, Fisher teaches us that humor is the balm that eases and the very thing that binds us together.




Children of the Dust Bowl: The True Story of the School at Weedpatch Camp


Book Description

Illus. with photographs from the Dust Bowl era. This true story took place at the emergency farm-labor camp immortalized in Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath. Ostracized as "dumb Okies," the children of Dust Bowl migrant laborers went without school--until Superintendent Leo Hart and 50 Okie kids built their own school in a nearby field.




Rumble Fish


Book Description

From the author of The Outsiders: This novel about two brothers in a tough world “packs a punch that will leave readers of any age reeling” (School Library Journal). An ALA Best Book for Young Adults A School Library Journal Best Book of the Year Rusty-James wants to be just like his big brother Motorcycle Boy—tough enough to be respected by everyone in the neighborhood. But Motorcycle Boy is also smart, so smart that Rusty-James relies on him to bail him out of trouble. The brothers are inseparable, and Motorcycle Boy will always be there to watch his back, so there's nothing to worry about, right? Or so Rusty-James believes, until his world falls apart and Motorcycle Boy isn't there to pick up the pieces. An edgy, emotional portrait of a troubled kid trying to navigate the chaotic world around him, Rumble Fish was made into a film by Francis Ford Coppola and has become a modern classic praised by School Library Journal as “stylistically superb” and beloved by multiple generations of readers. “Hinton knows how to plunge us right into [Rusty-James’s] dead-end mentality—his inability to verbalize much of anything, to come to grips with his anger about his alcoholic father and the mother who deserted him, even his distance from his own feelings.”—Kirkus Reviews




How You Ruined My Life


Book Description

A new hilarious novel from the author of The Greatest Zombie Movie Ever and Stranger Things Have Happened. Rod's life doesn't suck. If you ask him, it's pretty awesome. He may not be popular, but he and his best friends play in a band that has a standing gig. Yeah, it's Monday night and they don't get paid, but they can turn the volume up as loud as they want. And Rod's girlfriend is hot, smart, and believes in their band—believes in Rod. Aside from a winning lottery ticket, what more could he ask for? Answer: A different cousin. When Rod's scheming, two-faced cousin Blake moves in for the semester, Rod tries to keep calm. Blake seems to have everyone else fooled with good manners and suave smile, except Rod knows better. Blake is taking over his room, taking over his band, taking over his life! But Rod's not about to give up without a fight. Game on. May the best prankster win...