Should've Gone Tae Speavers, Ref!


Book Description

The referee. You can't have a game without one. The most hated man (or woman) in football but you have to invite one to every game. Enjoy a laugh at the anti and wicked humour of Scottish referee Big Erchie, a powerhouse at five foot five, and a top grade referee who strikes fear into he hearts of managers and players alike as he stringently applies the laws of the game. But Big Erchie is burdened with a terrible secret... He's a Stirling Albion supporter. EXCERPT: A booking by Big Erchie is a painstaking ritual for both player and referee as he calmly and prosaically enters the name of the offender in his book with the care of a monk drawing an illustrated letter, while at the same time gutting and filleting the culprit in a voice reminiscent of an acetylene torch set on full heat. Alas, on occasion, a frustrating petulant demonstration of power causes him to show a red card when a yellow would probably have suffice. Deep in his bosom, Big Erchie is consumed by a loathing of simulation, especially diving in the box. 'Some of that lot should get an Oscar nomination thrown in with their red card,' he continually moans. His trademark waving of his arms accompanied by a snort and roll of the eye suggests that, for some players, bringing back the birch would not be inappropriate.




The Herald Diary 2014


Book Description

It's a memorable year in Scotland. The country will vote on independence, Glasgow will welcome the world to the Commonwealth Games, and the world's best golfers battle it out in the Ryder Cup on Scottish soil. Meanwhile, Scots do what they always do - eat and drink too much, complain about the weather and, fortunately, have a laugh about it. Their tales of the funniest events will be sent to The Herald newspaper's iconic Diary column, and the best of them are gathered here.




Barcelona to Buckie Thistle


Book Description

Mat Guy continues his exploration of the much loved (and much hated) sport of football. From Barcelona to Buckie Thistle he takes us on a journey across the globe. The only connection all these places have is that they host some of least known football teams in the world. This is Guy's ode to football. He looks at the grassroots movement on the grass itself; it takes the love of this sport to a different level. Guy does not focus on the celebrity teams with millions behind them, but at the real heart and soul of football.




Follow We Will


Book Description

The financial collapse of Rangers has regularly been described as the biggest story in the history of Scottish sport. Takeover battles, police investigations and court cases dominated the front and back pages of Scottish newspapers and provoked much debate on social media: football was often a secondary concern. Rangers fans were forced to learn about the business side of the game in circumstances that could never have been imagined during earlier eras of regular success. It's safe to say the last 18 months have been difficult ones for the followers of the Light Blues. Follow We Will: The Fall and Rise of Rangers describes and analyses, from a Rangers perspective, all the relevant issues and events from an unprecedented period in the history of Scottish football. It praises the precious few heroes and identifies the many obstacles the club has had to face. This is the story of how the world's most successful football club found itself in the Third Division and the loyalty that started to propel it back to the top. All royalties arising from sales of this book will be donated to the Rangers Charity Foundation




Kerryoans up the Clyde!


Book Description

'If the Waverley sank right now and I wanted to swim to the nearest land, how far would that be?' 'About a hundred yards, sur.' 'Amazing. Which way?' 'Down!' True 'Glesca' humour and history combined, Kerryoans up the Clyde! recounts the adventures of a vessel full of character with a captain to match: Morrison's Waverley and 'Big Lizzie' are each as formidable and inalienably Scottish as the other. Morrison captures the charmingly unique spirit of the last of the Clyde's paddle steamers as well as the facts of its history. Full of playful tales, many a chuckle and the quirky illustrations of Bob Dewar, you're sure to find something that floats your boat!




Naw First Minister!


Book Description

With no party having a majority it was decided the position of First Minister should go to neutral, AGSTLO (Ah m Gonnae Sort This Lot Oot party) MSP, Big Nellie Nellis, a controversial imposing lady with the relics of beauty still on her face, unapologetically long legs which look as though they could stretch into different time zones, and bosoms requiring their own postal codes. Her over-bearing appearance and vibrancy, assisted by a continually refilled hip flask of single malt, make her formidable to all and sundry. Forget Mrs Thatcher, Mrs Merkel, Mrs Gillard, Mrs Meir and Ms Sturgeon. These women were absolute softies compared to Big Nellie. When Big Nellie Nellis bounds into Scottish politics after a fish supper and a cockup too far, her brash reason wins an electorate weary of the pointless jabbering of a divided Parliament. However, shaking up the status quo of Holyrood sets some slippery MSPs delving into Nellie s past to uncover the truth about Scotland s least likely political leader.




'Goannae No Dae That!'


Book Description

The Scots have a unique way of communicating their feelings. Their sayings are cheeky, to the point, rude and always funny. Scotland's bestselling humour author is back with his latest collection of hilarious Scottish sayings.'Away an' bile yer heid an' mak silly soup!'That wan's in everything but the Co-operative windae!''If ah had your money ah wid burn ma ain''Ye've goat a heid oan ye like a stair-heid''The gemme's a bogie''Yer cruisin' fur a bruisin'''Ah'm that hungry ah could eat a scabbie-heided horse''Castor oil cures everythin' but a widden leg''Wan minute yer a peacock an' the next yer a feather duster''Yer talkin' mince withoot a tattie in sight''Lang may yer lum reek, an' may a wee moose never leave yer kitchen press wi' a tear in its ee''Yer herr's mingin', hingin' an' clingin''From the infallible wisdom of the Glesca Granny, to the hilarious patter of larger-than-life conductress Big Aggie MacDonald, Allan Morrison has a sharp eye and a silver tongue when it comes to observational humour.SCOTLAND ON SUNDAY on Haud Ma Chips, Ah've Drapped the Wean!




Dinna Fash Yersel, Scotland!


Book Description

These are tough times. Prices spiralling! Climate change! International tension! Pandemics! It's not hard to find things to worry about. But Scottish grannies can be an oasis of calm. Their wit and wisdom, their compassion and knowhow, their measured good sense and withering reproaches are exactly what is required. Scottish grannies are reassuring. They are relevant. And they need to be heard.




Annual Report ...


Book Description

Contains the yearbook and annual report of the Department of Household Science and proceedings of the annual meeting of the Illinois Farmers' Institute.




Whistle Blower


Book Description

The outspoken and hard-hitting autobiography of one of the most highly-rated, recognisable and controversial football referees of modern times. Mark Clattenburg found himself in the centre circle, whistle in hand, at the start of 450 Premier League matches during a highly eventful 13-year career in football's top flight. He has shaken hands with, issued red and yellow cards to, and been sworn at by hundreds of players. He has been screamed at and shared jokes with dozens and dozens of managers. And he's felt the wrath of thousands upon thousands of irate fans. His autobiography is the ultimate guide to what it's really like to be in the referee's spotlight. It offers numerous intriguing insights into the daily trials and tribulations, the acute stresses and strains, of a top-flight referee. Clattenburg takes the reader into the referee's room, the players' tunnel and out on the pitch to experience precisely what a referee goes through on match day.