Book Description

The gift of “LIFE.” One per person. Non-transferable. Limited time span. We are through a container - the BODY offered this gift. This container – the Body comes equipped with a SECRET MIND that develops from conception, functions below the level of consciousness, and records experiences as memories. This secret mind, rather than our conscious mind, plays a crucial role in formulating our behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. The lack of awareness of this can lead to "unintentional damage" in our relationships with loved ones. At such times, the emotional pain we experience may surface in various coping mechanisms and feelings of "unbearable hunger, never enough, loneliness." It may leave a scab of ingrained anxiety and depression. This book fills that niche in the market through its stark simplicity in explaining and illustrating the secret mind with numerous case stories. Awareness of this and the multiple tools offered in the book can help us experience genuine connectedness, security, and fulfillment in our intimate relationships. Physical, emotional, and mental wellness can flourish. The benefits are priceless. A satisfying "LIFE" indeed. Sudha Kudva works as a professional counselor specializing in Child, Adult, Couple,Family, and Trauma Therapy ( using EMDR Therapy). With over 20,000 hours of experience, she also offers insightful workshops and talks. This is her second book. For more information, do visit www.secretmind.me We all know we have a conscious mind (also called the thinking, cognitive, or intellectual mind), and we can often retrieve memories stored here. How many of us are aware that we also have a secret mind that stores memories and operates below the level of consciousness? I call this the secret mind of the Body, where memories generated from conception are stored. (Psychologists call this implicit memory and implicit beliefs). These stored memories usually do not surface as "stories," as there is no conscious recall ability before 2-2.5 years. Instead, they are regularly activated as emotional experiences. "I discovered that my professional training, with its focus on understanding and insight, had largely ignored the relevance of the living, breathing Body, the foundation of ourselves." Bessel A. van der Kolk, Author of ”The Body Keeps The Score. We may not be aware that much of our behaviors are dictated by the secret mind of the Body rather than our conscious mind. How does the secret mind of the Body do that? It does so from the information it receives when one Human Body interacts with another. Human Bodies communicate with each other in a language that is not words. Communication occurs when the nervous system of one Human Body subtly picks up information about the other Body and vice versa. This process happens at a speed that is faster than the spoken words we usually use to interact with each other, and it happens below the level of conscious awareness. The information gathered is fed to the secret mind of the Body, where meanings are attached to these interactions. Behaviors are an outcome or an adaptation of the secret mind’s interpretation of this data. The Body’s conscious mind has only a minor role to play in our behaviors. Are we then so pre-programmed? Many a time, in retrospect, we may be disgusted by our own behaviors. Are the latter arising from this pre-programming? Do we have so little control over our behaviors? How, then, can we, the conscious self, be responsible for our behaviors when so much is happening at the subconscious level? Fortunately for us, the human body communicates with us (conscious self) and gives us an inkling of the meaning the secret mind has attached to the incoming information. What we do after this is in our hands. So, we do have control over our behaviors. This can only happen if we (the conscious self) are aware of the language of communication of the Body to us. Only then can we take charge of our behaviors. We can now consciously modify or abort the pre-programmed behavior, which otherwise might be detrimental to us and our relationships. Otherwise, it can feel as if we are rudderless, and our behaviors, despite our best efforts, repeatedly let us down. This Book supports us in understanding the secret mind and the language of communication of the Body with us. More on how this book can support us is shared below. One of the primary functions of this secret mind is to create a blueprint from the 'emotional experiences' gathered during interactions with others, particularly its primary caregivers. Were these interactions emotionally safe, or were they tinged /seeped with danger? These 'emotional experiences' of various moments are meticulously stored as a blueprint on how to navigate life in this world. Each moment is checked thoroughly – are cues suggestive of approachability (safety) or unapproachability (threat)? And behaviors are adjusted to the answers derived. This blueprint saved in the secret mind, and the behaviors that needed to manifest served an important function in childhood; however, that pattern of behaviors may no longer be relevant in adulthood. Ironically and sadly, that familiar pattern is still very functional decades later. Based on that past programming of the familiar, false alarms ring, and the behaviors that now arise are often detrimental to personal growth and relationships in our adult life. Some of these pre-programmed behaviors play a major role in marital and family discords.