Book Description

Survivor guilt (or survivor's guilt; also called survivor syndrome or survivor's syndrome) is a mental condition that occurs when a person perceives themselves to have done wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not. Although it may vary in degrees of intensity, it is almost always a permanent state of mind either consciously or subconsciously. Therefore, it affects you in all you do for the rest of your life. Let it be clear, this guilt is not only associated with wartime experiences. It applies to any death or severe maiming injury you are part of in your life. Seeing, feeling, and knowing the circumstances around someone's demise or departure is a horrible burden to bear. The guilt can be very self-damaging. In fact, it can literally tear you apart with your own emotions and the efforts of others around you who are trying to help you. This book is the final step in my recovery on this matter that has been haunting me for many years now. Not an issue we really want to talk about or even write about, but a necessity in dealing with the realities connected to this syndrome that impacts so many people who suffer from it. Although it may be slow in bringing the topic to the surface, background information is always helpful to understand the problem or syndrome more accurately. This is a real story and a real situation. Being in Vietnam at the age of 19 and drafted into the Army, I struggled with many emotions but never against my country - rather the opposite, the fight inside me was always with myself. The anger, depression, guilt and no matter how much I tried to work it out, it kept coming back to haunt me until I made the right step and deal with it directly through Jacob's sister who I contacted one day via the telephone and introduced myself as a fellow member of the 23rd Medical Battalion in Chu Lai, the day her brother died on a convoy that was normally assigned to me. A dedicated military policeman, trained in first aid, "Jake" rode shotgun on the second truck in the convoy when it was hit by an EID that was meant for me but circumstances spared my life and took his. A true story that has helped me heal inside and now sharing it with others so they can understand or sense what needs to be done to put it aside, away or temper it so you can cope and be free from the guilt. A short book but heavy with circumstances that form the guilt, the experiences, and the step to take in the end when all you have tried has failed and you need more help to overcome the mental burdens inside your head. Inside this book are snapshots of rogue assignments with different air and land units during the war. How I coped with the diversity of the roles they demanded of me as a medic but hardly ever as a friend. Friends were hard to find and make under these conditions for we all wore masks, to protect our vulnerability and to some degree, our innocence.