The Final Heist


Book Description

Four old men had spent most of their adult life in prison following many failed attempts to rob financial institutions. Now aged late 70s and early 80s, they are released from a long jail term to take up residence in a warden-controlled, local-authority owned block of self-contained apartments. Other residents are a strange mixture. The local diminutive vicar relaunches the campanology group. The bell-ringing group of gays drives the bats from the belfry, along with other animals. The four decide that life in Bogwash is not to their liking and plan the last heist, just to get convicted and return to a world they understand. Dressed as four gorillas, wearing flashy Bermuda shorts and high-visibility jackets, they plan on robbing a small post office.




Awa' An' Bile Yer Heid!


Book Description

David Ross has produced an extraordinary, eclectic and hilarious collection of thematically arranged Scottish insults, abuse and invective which has been wonderfully illustrated throughout by Rupert Besley. The best insults, according to the author, occupy an indefinite space between wit and abuse, containing elements of both to varying degree; they must always sting the victim, or else they are a failure. This book is full of rich and expressive examples of insult and invective for all occasions from all over Scotland. These have been passed down through the centuries or have emerged in modern times, proving that clever insults are infinitely more amusing and memorable than good jokes. And so, happy reading. If you don't like it, awa' an' bile yer heid!




Heist Denial


Book Description

One year after the death of the fourth member of the infamous Gang of Four, the remaining trio of aged bank robbers is struggling to adapt to life outside prison walls. Having served their last stint in jail following a botched robbery of a closed-down post office, during which they donned gorilla costumes, hi-viz jackets, and colourful Bermuda shorts, the gang now faces a two-year suspended sentence and the challenge of honouring their fallen comrade’s dying wish to stay on the straight and narrow. As they navigate the idiosyncrasies of their fellow residents at the residential home, the trio, now known as The Trio, must also contend with the suspicions of a relentless detective who believes their deceased friend is alive and well, secretly orchestrating a string of heists across the Home Counties. With the detective convinced that the coffin is filled with bricks and stolen loot, The Trio must prove their innocence while adhering to the terms of their friend’s generous will. Amidst the chaos, the Colonel works on his memoir, ‘Confession of a Bank Robber’, and delivers after-dinner speeches to the legal profession. Jock finds himself as the kilted bagpiper for the Tartanettes, a troupe of middle-aged Burlesquers, while Lenny attempts to improve his social skills. As the three vow to honor their late friend’s wishes, a series of copycat heists and odd mysteries come to light, threatening to unravel their newfound freedom and redemption.




The Cannae Sutra


Book Description

'A stimulating read' – The Auchernach Free Post & Advertiser 'Deeply disturbing' – Auchintoul Gazette 'An accursed, dorty, reeky, drochlin, houremongerin, shaan abomination of a book' – Cluanie Thunderer 'Ban this book' – Inchgrundle Times 'Ceased trading' – Ardteatle News 'Manky, mawkit and downright clarty. My wife loved it! ' – Editor, The Dunfankle Free Press Birds do it. Bees do it. Scots – um . . . Well do they? All is revealed (well, not quite all – this is Scotland) in The Cannae Sutra, a ground-breaking exposé of the nation's best-kept secrets. Sex, it seems, is not what coal is delivered in in Morningside. The nation's best-kept bedroom secrets are laid bare in this full frontal, no-holds barred (but by no means serious) peek at what is under the kilt, on every Scotsman's mind and can be induced by too much Irn Bru and porridge. Just make sure you know your houtie-croutie from you elbuck before embarking upon a bout of houghmagandy. The book contains previously unpublished historical material along with helpful advice on ticklish subjects. Topics covered include: techniques, positions, rubberwear, bondage, group sex, sheep love, Scottish porn, secrets of the sporran, FAQs of Life, shortbread fingers, Gaelic symbols, cybersex, curling and socks.




4 a.m.


Book Description

4 a.m. is an iconic novel of friendship and betrayal, hedonism, and military discipline. The year is 1993 and Cal and Manny are soldiers posted to Germany as army chefs. Bored and institutionalized, the pair soon succumb to the temptations of recreational drugs and all-night raves in Hamburg's red-light district. Life-affirming clubbing soon gives way to gloomy, drug-fueled nights in fast-food restaurants, at sex shows, and in Turkish dive bars. As a succession of events ratchets up the pressure on Cal and Manny, their friendship is tested, a secret is revealed, and a shocking betrayal changes their lives forever. Drawing on personal experience and extensive research, 4 a.m. depicts life in a peacetime Army, and a civilian milieu in which conflict is never far away. Driven by two distinctive voices, and written in a lively and buzzing style, Nina de la Mer's debut novel holds a mirror up to youth culture at the end of the 20th century. The reflection is not always a flattering one.







The Face of Battle


Book Description

John Keegan's groundbreaking portrayal of the common soldier in the heat of battle -- a masterpiece that explores the physical and mental aspects of warfare The Face of Battle is military history from the battlefield: a look at the direct experience of individuals at the "point of maximum danger." Without the myth-making elements of rhetoric and xenophobia, and breaking away from the stylized format of battle descriptions, John Keegan has written what is probably the definitive model for military historians. And in his scrupulous reassessment of three battles representative of three different time periods, he manages to convey what the experience of combat meant for the participants, whether they were facing the arrow cloud at the battle of Agincourt, the musket balls at Waterloo, or the steel rain of the Somme. The Face of Battle is a companion volume to John Keegan's classic study of the individual soldier, The Mask of Command: together they form a masterpiece of military and human history.




33 Human Science Masterpieces You Must Read Before You Die. Illustrated


Book Description

We live in an era rife with cultural conflict. The 21st century is by no means free of wars, terrorism, riots, famine, nor epidemics. We may attempt to solve the challenges of our times by uniting the humanistic disciplines of philosophy, science, and technology. Our modern reality requires a fundamental understanding of the problems beleaguering our existence. Science and literature are key tools for gaining this insight. The wisdom accumulated throughout the centuries by scientists, philosophers, and writers is a solid foundation on which modern man can build the future. Our ability to learn from those who have come before is precisely what led Protagoras to declare that “Man is the measure of all things.” The 33 works in this book possess foundational importance and continue to influence our modern world. The reader of these texts is well-positioned to understand causes and plot new paths away from the problems that plague us. Edwin A. Abbott. Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions Aristotle. Ethics Aristotle. Poetics Dale Breckenridge Carnegie. The Art of Public Speaking Gilbert Keith Chesterton. Eugenics and Other Evils Gilbert Keith Chesterton. What’s Wrong With The World René Descartes. Discourse on the Method Epictetus. The Golden Sayings of Epictetus The Meditations Of The Emperor Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Sigmund Freud. Dream Psychology Hermann Hesse. Siddhartha David Hume. Dialogues Concerning Natural Religion Lao Tzu. Tao Te Ching Confucius. Analects Swami Abhedananda. Five Lectures On Reincarnation The Song Celestial, Or Bhagavad-Gita (From the Mahabharata) David Herbert Lawrence. Fantasia of the Unconscious Niccolò Machiavelli. The Art of War Niccolò Machiavelli. The Prince Benedictus de Spinoza. The Ethics John Mill. On Liberty John Mill. Utilitarianism Prentice Mulford. Thoughts are Things Thomas More. Utopia Friedrich Nietzsche. Thus Spake Zarathustra Friedrich Nietzsche. Beyond Good and Evil Friedrich Nietzsche. The Antichrist J. Allanson Picton. Pantheism Plato. The Republic Plato. The Apology Of Socrates Plato. Symposium Sun Tzu. The Art of War Vatsyayana. The Kama Sutra Voltaire. Candide H. G. Wells. A Modern Utopia Frances Bacon. The New Atlantis




33 Masterpieces of Philosophy and Science to Read Before You Die (Illustrated)


Book Description

We live in an era rife with cultural conflict. The 21st century is by no means free of wars, terrorism, riots, famine, nor epidemics. We may attempt to solve the challenges of our times by uniting the humanistic disciplines of philosophy, science, and technology. Our modern reality requires a fundamental understanding of the problems beleaguering our existence. Science and literature are key tools for gaining this insight. The wisdom accumulated throughout the centuries by scientists, philosophers, and writers is a solid foundation on which modern man can build the future. Our ability to learn from those who have come before is precisely what led Protagoras to declare that “Man is the measure of all things.” The 33 works in this book possess foundational importance and continue to influence our modern world. The reader of these texts is well-positioned to understand causes and plot new paths away from the problems that plague us. Edwin A. Abbott. Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions Aristotle. The Basic Works Dale Breckenridge Carnegie. The Art of Public Speaking Gilbert Keith Chesterton. Eugenics and Other Evils Gilbert Keith Chesterton. Orthodoxy René Descartes. Discourse on the Method Epictetus. The Golden Sayings of Epictetus Sigmund Freud. Dream Psychology Hermann Hesse. Siddhartha David Hume. Dialogues Concerning Natural Religion Lao Tzu. Tao Te Ching David Herbert Lawrence. Fantasia of the Unconscious Niccolò Machiavelli. The Art of War Niccolò Machiavelli. The Prince John Mill. On Liberty John Mill. Utilitarianism Prentice Mulford. Thoughts are Things Thomas More. Utopia The Meditations Of The Emperor Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Friedrich Nietzsche. Thus Spake Zarathustra Friedrich Nietzsche. Beyond Good and Evil Friedrich Nietzsche. The Antichrist Plato. The Republic Plato. The Apology Of Socrates Plato. Symposium Bertrand Russell. Proposed Roads to Freedom Bertrand Russell. The Problems of Philosophy Bertrand Russell. Mysticism and Logic and Other Essays Sun Tzu. The Art of War Vatsyayana. The Kama Sutra Voltaire. Candide H. G. Wells. A Modern Utopia Frances Bacon. The New Atlantis




Erotic Dots


Book Description

No artistic talent? Huge libido? Good sense of humour? This is the book for you. Using the dot to dot technique familiar from your childhood days, you can recreate steamy sex scenes with explicit positions, using just a pencil! If you can count, you can do it. Erotic Dots contains 60 colour photos with sections redrawn as dot to dot artworks for you to complete. You'll be aroused, you'll be intrigued and you'll be amused.