The Official Guide to Cut-Downs and Comebacks: Words Edition


Book Description

Have you ever been in a situation where you needed to defend yourself, or others, but just didn't have the right words to do so? Of course, a few hours later, when you replay the situation in your mind, the perfect response comes to you. "If I had only said that I would've been a hero!" Yes, we've all been there, and it's a helpless feeling because you know that the moment has passed for good. For all intents and purposes, you lost. In this book, you'll get a full breakdown of the ways to come right back to those individuals who are attempting to cut you down. You'll discover clever ways to instantly dominate any situation where another person is trying to insult you or your friends. You'll quickly become a master of the craft and be able to call upon these comebacks, or come up with your own using this proven formula, at any time. No more regrets, no more shoulda-coulda-wouldas. No more losing. Consider this comeback system as your compass that allows you to navigate the rough terrain we call social class and order. I wrote this book because you needed support from someone who has been there before. Know that I have a personal stake in this and have tapped back into my own childhood and current everyday life to try and understand both sides of this natural phenomenon. The defenseless need defending. The common person needs armor and weapons when it is their time to attack. You are my inspiration for this. Here's how it works: At the top of the page there will be a cut-down, directly below will be a brief insight into the cut-down, and at the bottom, there will be several different comebacks to the cut-down. The following pages will change your life for the better. The time for lying down is over. The time has come for a shift in power. It's time for a new hero-story to be written. Is it your time? Will you be that hero? It is yours for the taking if you are ready. Are you ready?




Yo' Mama Is So...


Book Description

It's everyone's favorite form of insult comedy (as seen on MTV!) -- hundreds of crushingly funny one-liners about "yo' mama" -- and all yo' other relatives -- sure to shut people's mouths or make them howl with laughter. Yo' mama is so fat, when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up. Yo' mama is so old that when she was young, rainbows were black and white. Yo' mama is so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks. Yo' mama is so dumb that when she saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home. Yo' mama's so short you can see her feet on her driver's license. So dumb, so fat, so ugly, and so old have never been SO FUNNY, thanks to this exhaustive and inventive assortment of laugh-out-loud one-line jokes sure to cause a sensation. Hundreds of quotable and easy-to-remember quips have been gathered here by a comedy master, and the result is a relentless collection of wholesome, all-in-good-fun nastiness for every occasion. Divided into handy categories (in case you happen to need a boatload of fat jokes, skinny jokes, or whatever) Yo' Mama Is So . . . is an essential addition to the humor shelf of any self-respecting smart aleck. Hey . . . what did you call my mama??!!




The Giant Book of Insults


Book Description

A lively collection of sharp retorts and ripostes, pithy pot, ricocheting bombast - caustic quips, and polite, and the definitely unpolite, sort of put downs. This book can either be read for the sheer fiendish fun of it, or it can be put to work as a sourcebook for anyboday - speakers, entertainers, managers, writers - who wishes to communicate a little more forcefully. Carefully categorised according to targets, this book can be used time and time again to deflate egotists, dispose of bores and demolish dummies.




A Slap in the Face


Book Description

n A Slap in the Face, William Irvine undertakes a wide-ranging investigation of insults, their history, the role they play in social relationships, and the science behind them. He offers advice, based primarily on the writings of the Stoic philosophers, on how best to curb our own insulting tendencies and how to respond to the insults that are directed our way. A rousing follow-up to The Good Life, A Slap in the Face will interest anyone who's ever delivered an insult or felt the sting of one--in other words, everyone.




The Quotable A**hole


Book Description

Whoever said, "sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you" never met an a**hole. Here, you'll find more than 1,200 of the most biting quotes, comments, and comebacks ever uttered, including: "I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence." --George Bernard Shaw "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." --Albert Einstein "If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you." --Muhammed Ali You won't just find quotes from typical a**holes like Winston Churchill, Joseph Stalin, and Mark Twain, either. You'll also see what happens when practically perfect folks like Walt Disney, Mahatma Ghandi, and Audrey Hepburn lose their cool. So embrace your dark side and get ready to enjoy every over-confident, over-blown, over-the-top a**hole comment you'll ever need.




If You Can't Say Anything Nice, Say It in Yiddish


Book Description

You don’t have to be Jewish to get back at the shmendriks* of the world Yiddish. It’s the most colorful language in the history of mankind. What other language gives you a whole dictionary of ways to tell someone to drop dead? That schmuck who got promoted over you? Meigulgl zol er vern in a henglaykhter, by tog zol er hengen, un by nakht zol er brenen. (He should be transformed into a chandelier, to hang by day and to burn by night.) That soccer mom kibitzing on her cell phone and tying up traffic? Shteyner zol zi hobn, nit keyn kinder. (She should have stones and not children.) If You Can’t Say Anything Nice, Say It in Yiddish is the perfect glossary of Yiddish insults and curses, from the short and sweet to the whole megillah (Khasene hobn zol er mit di malekh hamoves tokhter: He should marry the daughter of the Angel of Death.) Complete with hundreds of the most creative insults for the putzes** and kvetchers *** of the world, this is an indispensable guide for Jews and Gentiles alike. When it comes to cursing someone who sorely needs it, may you never be at a loss for words again. *Idiots **More idiots ***Complainer; a pain in the tuchas**** **** One’s rear end




Samuel Johnson's Insults


Book Description

Lackbrain, oysterwench, wantwit, clotpoll--Samuel Johnson's famous dictionary of 1755 contained some of the ripest insults in the English language. In Samuel Johnson's Insults, Jack Lynch has compiled more than 300 of the curmudgeonly lexicographer's mightiest barbs, along with definitions only the master himself could elucidate. Word lovers will delight in flexing their linguistic muscles with devilishly descriptive vituperations that pack a wicked punch. Many of these zingers have long lain dormant. Some have even come close to extinction. Now they're back in all their prickly glory, ready to be relished once more.




Funny Insults & Snappy Put-downs


Book Description

Feeling put down? Feeling insulted? Snap back! In this collection, readers find hundreds of funny ways to do just that, with some of the best and worst jokes around, silly gags, nutty one-liners, and more!




The Official Dictionary of Idiocy


Book Description

Get your snark on, with this hilarious compendium from the author of The Official Dictionary of Sarcasm. It’s the perfect book for today’s world. The battle for sanity and intelligence rages on! Read any news story today and it’s clear that idiots are everywhere. For that reason, James Napoli, the esteemed director of the National Sarcasm Society, has created a smart-aleck new dictionary that defines pop-culture touchstones and throws shade on the hopelessly foolish. With copiously illustrated and snarky entries on everything from “Alternative Facts” and “Congress” to “Cable News” and “Uber” (A convenient way to entrust your transportation to a potential serial killer . . .”), The Official Dictionary of Idiocy brings some much-needed laughter to these crazy days.




The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition


Book Description

The beloved "Snark Handbook" is back in a new edition--making readers smarterand, more importantly, better than everyone else.