Book Description

This historic book may have numerous typos and missing text. Purchasers can usually download a free scanned copy of the original book (without typos) from the publisher. Not indexed. Not illustrated. 1903 edition. Excerpt: ... Last night I hoisted twenty-three Of those arrangements into me. My wealth increased, I swelled with pride, I was pickled, primed, and ossified; But R--E--M--0--R--S--E! The water wagon is the place for me. I think that somewhere in the game I wept and told my real name. At four I sought my whirling bed; At eight I woke with such a head! It is no time for mirth and laughter, The cold, gray dawn of the morning after. I wanted to pay for ev'ry round; I talked on subjects most profound; When all my woes I analyzed, The barkeep softly sympathized. The world was one kaleidoscope Of purple bliss, transcendent hope. But now I'm feeling mighty blue-- Three cheers for the W. C. T. U! R--E--M--O--R--S--E! Those dry Martinis did the work for me; Last night at twelve I felt immense, To-day I feel like thirty cents. My eyes are bleared, my coppers hot, I'll try to eat, but I cannot. It is no time for mirth and laughter, The cold, gray dawn of the morning after. [jones appears on the landing up stage and looks at the suffering executive, then comes towards him Jones Governor, this isn't right. Remember, I've insured your life for fifty thousand pesos. Ki-ram Jones, civilization may be all right, but I took too large a dose right at the start. And you know that hat? [He puts it on. It is many sizes too small.] The constitution, the cocktail, and the katzenjammer follow the flag. Jones A bit of advice. If you had too many cocktails last evening, take one or two this morning. [He gives a signal. Didymos and Rastos, smartly attired as waiters, come on and await orders. Ki-ram The American practice? Jones It is--especially among politicians. [didymos and Rastos do an impertinent break down, and crowd upon Ki-ram, who indignantly resents their...