Book Description

I jumped out of the car and pulled off my pager, threw it onto the ground, and stomped on it several times. I then pulled my 9MM Glock from my waistband and began to wave it around my head. I was ordered to drop the gun. Evidently I didn't point the gun at the officers because I was unable to unload it. I yelled, "SHOOT ME, KILL ME, LET ME DIE! I was then shot two times in the left leg. I dropped to one knee but would not go down. I once again stood up. Again the police shouted, "Drop the gun! Again I refused, waved the gun above my head, and screamed, "I want to die! Kill me!" I began waving the gun once again. It was at that point that both Baltimore County officers shot at me an additional eleven to thirteen times. In all, approximately fifteen rounds were fired at me. I hit the sidewalk. I remember voices, people tugging and pulling on me and most vividly I recall the overwhelming peace of mind that settled over me when my head hit the sidewalk. I can recall nuzzling the sidewalk as if hugging it and feeling as though the entire weight of the world and all my problems were lifting off of me. I didn't have to take care of anyone's problems anymore and I didn't have to care about my shortcomings and past actions. I was dying. It was a soft, serene, comfortable, warm, peaceful feeling. I can recall saying to myself as I lay there bleeding to death, you did good Danny, you did good. You're dying, now close your eyes and go to sleep, it's over. I couldn't move. I was in a state of serenity. That moment on the sidewalk at the corner of Eaton and Gough Sts. was the most comfortable, calm, relaxed, and fulfilling moment I had since I was a baby in my mother's arms. I was at peace with the world and myself; I felt no guilt, shame, embarrassment or regrets, for the first time since I was twenty years old. I was forty. I always felt as though death was a horrible experience. I had seen so much death I assumed it was horrible, painful, and unsettling. Not so. I was finally at ease.