Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog


Book Description

This one's for you, extraordinary ordinary women everywhere It's time for seriously hilarious girl-talk with New York Times bestselling author Lisa Scottoline. She's shared this collection of scenes from her real life, and she bets her life sounds a lot like yours . . . if you crave carbs, can't find jeans that fit, and still believe that these two things are unrelated. Pick up this book--you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll swear off pantyhose. Here are some examples of Lisa's wit and wisdom: "Everybody has their pornography, and mine is the real estate ads." "We'll get universal health care before we get beauty salons open on Mondays, and that's backwards. Ask any woman if she'd rather have a haircut or a mammogram, and you'll see what I mean." "Mothers are a natural force, and maybe an alternative source of fuel." "Lately there's been talk about a religion that allows polygamy, so that a man can have as many wives as he pleases. Where is the religion that allows a woman to have as many husbands as she pleases?" "I have never been in an accident, if you don't count my two marriages." "My mother taught us that if you eat baked beans from a can that has dents, you'll die of botulism. This was before people injected botulism into their faces. Nowadays, the dented can will kill you, but you'll look young." Inspired by her wildly popular column in The Philadelphia Inquirer entitled "Chick Wit," Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog is a book you'll have to put down--just to stop laughing.




A Three Dog Life


Book Description

Author Abigail Thomas shares the story of how she started a new life after an accident left her husband brain damaged and institutionalized.




My Nest Isn't Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space


Book Description

The incomparable Lisa Scottoline, along with daughter Francesca, is back with more wild and wonderful wit and wisdom: My Nest Isn't Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space. Critics and readers loved Lisa Scottoline's first collection of true-life stories, which only encouraged her—now she's back with these all-new, exciting adventures. She's farther down the road now, and the scenery has changed—ex-husbands Thing One and Thing Two are in her rear-view mirror, daughter Francesca has moved into an apartment, and Lisa's finding the silver lining in her empty nest, which has lots more room for her shoes. And some things have stayed the same—Mother Mary is still the feistiest octogenarian on the planet, who won't part with her recipe for tomato sauce or her thirty-year old bra. In this book Lisa and Francesca spill all their family secrets—which sound a lot like yours, if you understand that three generations of women is the formula for spontaneous combustion. Inspired by her weekly column entitled, "Chick Wit" for The Philadelphia Inquirer, this is a book you'll have to put down—just to stop laughing.




Marley & Me


Book Description

The heartwarming and unforgettable story of a family and the wondrously neurotic dog who taught them what really matters in life. Now with photos and new material. Is it possible for humans to discover the key to happiness through a bigger-than-life, bad-boy dog? Just ask the Grogans. John and Jenny were just beginning their life together. They were young and in love, with not a care in the world. Then they brought home Marley, a wiggly yellow furball of a puppy. Life would never be the same. Marley grew into a barreling, ninety-seven-pound streamroller of a Labrador retriever. He crashed through screen doors, gouged through drywall, and stole women's undergarments. Obedience school did no good -- Marley was expelled. But just as Marley joyfully refused any limits on his behavior, his love and loyalty were boundless, too. Marley remained a model of devotion, even when his family was at its wit's end. Unconditional love, they would learn, comes in many forms. Marley & Me is John Grogan's funny, unforgettable tribute to this wonderful, wildly neurotic Lab and the meaning he brought to their lives.







The Dog of the Marriage


Book Description

Amy Hempel's compassion, intensity, and illuminating observations have made her one of the most distinctive and admired modern writers. In three stunning books of stories, she has established a voice as unique and recognizable as the photographs of Cindy Sherman or the brushstrokes of Robert Motherwell. The Dog of the Marriage, Hempel's fourth collection, is about sexual obsession, relationships gone awry, and the unsatisfied longings of everyday life. In "Offertory," a modern-day Scheherazade entertains and manipulates her lover with stories of her sexual encounters with a married couple as a very young woman. In "Reference # 388475848-5," a letter contesting a parking ticket becomes a beautiful and unnerving statement of faith. In "Jesus Is Waiting," a woman driving to New York sends a series of cryptically honest postcards to an old lover. And the title story is a heartbreaking tale about the objects and animals and unmired desires that are left behind after death or divorce. These nine stories teem with wisdom, emotion, and surprising wit. Hempel explores the intricate psychology of people falling in and out of love, trying to locate something or someone elusive or lost. Her sentences are as lean, original, and startling as any in contemporary fiction.




The Husband


Book Description

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER We have your wife. You get her back for two million cash. On an ordinary afternoon, an ordinary man, a gardener of modest means, gets a phone call out of his worst nightmare. The caller is dead serious. He doesn’t care that Mitch can’t raise that kind of money. If she’s everything to you, then you’ll find a way. Mitch loves his wife more than life itself. He’s got sixty hours to prove it. He has to find the two million by then. But he’ll pay a lot more. He’ll pay anything. BONUS: This edition contains an excerpt from Dean Koontz's The City.




The Poky Little Puppy


Book Description

One night a puppy,who is always late coming home finds there is no dessert for him. On board pages.




Happy and Merry


Book Description

Just in time for Christmas comes a collection of the very best holiday essays from the bestselling Mother/Daughter writing duo. Whether their shopping for matching reindeer dog sweaters or having second helpings of eggnog, Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella will keep you warm with their humor and heart. So give yourself some holiday cheer in the midst of all the shopping, cooking, wrapping, and baking madness...you deserve to get a little Happy and Merry!




The Dogs of Winter


Book Description

A small boy, a cruel city, and the incredible dogs who save him.Based on a true story!When Ivan's mother disappears, he's abandoned on the streets of Moscow, with little chance to make it through the harsh winter. But help comes in an unexpected form: Ivan is adopted by a pack of dogs, and the dogs quickly become more than just his street companions: They become his family. Soon Ivan, who used to love reading fairytales, is practically living in one, as he and his pack roam the city and countryside, using their wits to find food and shelter, dodging danger, begging for coins. But Ivan can't stay hidden from the world of people forever. When help is finally offered to him, will he be able to accept it? Will he even want to?A heart-pounding tale of survival and a moving look at what makes us human.